What Would Carrie Wear?

You've Gotta Be Kidding Me

2009-02-14T15:09:00.000-05:00

This is by far the most ridiculous and insulting Valentine-s Day themed event I have seen to date:

Upstairs is heaven for couples and downstairs is hell for singles?????? I could make a case that often times, it should be the other way around!

Spring Is In Bloom

2009-02-10T22:33:00.004-05:00

Sent this bouquet of flowers to Little C today to congratulate her on her new job in Pennsylvania (sad for me that she's so far away though). Just because she doesn't have a boyfriend doesn't mean she should miss out on the thrill of getting flowers delivered to her office. Go, Little C!

P.S. Little C said I'm like the boyfriend she doesn't have. That might just be the nicest compliment I've ever received...as long as I don't have to make out with her hahahaha.

Musical Chairs

2009-02-09T19:19:00.002-05:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, I spent Sunday evening at the Cheesecake Factory in Braintree. Not only did I order sliders that night...I was actually asked to "slide down" so that a couple could sit together at the bar and that got me thinking:

...Should singles have to change seats at the bar in order to acommodate couples?

I'm just wondering. I have been asked to "slide down" in the past. I actually ate by myself at two bars this weekend (Fat Cat in Quincy on Sat and CF on Sunday). If I'm completely settled with food, drink and a magazine or newspaper, should I have to uproot myself so they can share their two cold, and may I remind you portable, beers?

I Don't Think Calvin Klein Had This In Mind...

2009-02-08T18:56:00.003-05:00

It's 6:56pm on Sunday evening. I'm sitting at the bar at the Cheesecake Factory at the SSP in a black velvet floor-length Calvin Klein evening gown eating fried chicken. I have had exactly two strawberry martinis and am now sipping a glass of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay. How did I get here you ask? I'm glad you asked...

The weekend started out promising enough...my Saturday and Sunday were booked full. Band practice went well on Sat afternoon. I took a leisurely shower and lingered over my hair, makeup, and body lotion application for salsa dancing later that night at Mojitos. I wore a royal blue ruffled halter dress with silver sandals and silver flowers in my hair...

Unfortunately, Mojitos was a total bust. There were practically no men there! This wouldn't normally be a problem, but salsa is a couples dance. The few that showed did so with their girlfriends. That plus the lackluster attitude of my companions amounted to us calling it an early night.

Sunday I did some SERIOUS retail therapy. That afternoon, my friend Snow decide to do our photo shoot so I hop in my gown and we head over to the Braintree lake for a few shots. We splash around in puddles in evening dresses and pose in the snow with the idea that we'll warm up at my place so we can meet our friends in JP later for free bowling and a trannie show at Milky Way (hey, what can I say? I have a weak spot for brothahs in drag).

We get back to my place and realize that in the 20 minutes we've been gone, my brothers have both left, locking the doors (and my keys) inside. Great. We poke and prod, jiggle windows and shimmy doors, but it all amounts to a missing spare key and me getting dropped off by Snow back at the SSP to wait for a ride.

So here I sit at the Cheesecake Factory, surrounded by couples and families celebrating birthdays and wondering...

...what the hell happened to my weekend?

Say Cheese!

2009-02-07T21:50:00.002-05:00

I think it's important to have at least one photo of yourself (solo) that you really love. We're talking a RECENT photo here, not one of you from college when you were 10 lbs. lighter or from your senior prom. Make it cool and professional-looking like a headshot. Try it in black and white or sepia (how artsy). No funds? No problem. Just enlist a friend with a digital camera to spend an afternoon in the park taking (flattering) pics.

That's why I've "hired" my friend Snow who does photography on the side. She has graciously agreed to shoot me with her hi-tech lens. She's thinking something moody and avant garde and suggested a long black evening dress in the snow. I feel like a model already.

So my advice is to go ahead and pose! If couples get to put schmoopy pics of themselves on their desks, then you are more than entitled to a gorgeous headshot for your blog, online dating profile, or collage of friends, family,...

...and you!

P.S. Just don't be like my college roommate and have a 20-pic desktop slideshow of yourself as a beauty queen.

Shop It To Me, Baby!

2009-02-06T16:23:00.002-05:00

New obsession time: a fashionable friend of mine was kind enough to invite me to join Shop It To Me!, a website which does the legwork for you!

SITM keeps tracks of designers that you like and updates you via e-mail on sales with items in your preferred size. It's a lot easirer than checking the same 10 websites twice a week (now what will I do at work?). It's like the (free) personal shopper that you never had.

After all, what fabulous, hard-working girl isn't into multi-tasking?

Just Checking In...With My Sanity

2009-02-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

Honestly, sometimes I think to myself...it's amazing I'm not a raging alcoholic/junkie/homocidal maniac.

After trudging through the snow and bitter cold on my morning commute, listening to house-buying, closet-remodeling, a general round table discussion of other couples-dominated activities at work, and being passed over by a close friend for yet another date night (this time they're making it a double!), I am proud to say I am holding my head high and not jumping off the Tobin.

Did I mention it's only 10:00am?

Type A's

2009-02-04T21:42:00.000-05:00

"I'm looking for a woman who's Type A-, not Type A. I can play at their level but why bother?"

~ My friend, the Republican, spoken over dinner at the Rialto at the Charles Hotel

Significant Digits

2009-02-01T10:10:00.001-05:00

"You see your significant other being insignificant."

~Aladdin on why co-habitation doesn't work

Sex Toy Party

2009-01-31T21:17:00.000-05:00

Ladies, I have finally had my cherry popped....

I attended my first sex toy party.

Miss A hosted an Athena party at her house. So what exactly do you get when you mix 25 horny single ladies, a crate full of latex, and my patented Flirtini cocktail?? A whole lotta fun, that's what.

The Flirtini:

•1 oz. vodka
•½ oz. peach schnapps
•2 oz. cranberry juice
•a splash of champagne as a topper

Put all ingredients into a cocktail shaker, shake it up with attitude and a little hip action and then smoothly pour into chilled cocktail glasses. Top with a splash of champagne.

Vibrators were fondled, handcuffs tested, and lubricants tasted (on our hands! get your mind outta the gutter). Snow won a huge vibrator in the raffle!! hahahhaa. That plus her 5 bottles of pheramone perfume should get the ball rolling.

As for my purchases? Well, those are top secret. After all, I'm a lady! (Tee-hee)

Live Alone and Like It

2009-01-29T20:12:00.007-05:00

Ladies, I have found my bible.

Margorie Hillis worked for Vogue for 20 years, making her way up from captions girl to associate editor.

The most interesting thing about this book? It was written in 1936.

I can't believe how little has REALLY changed with regard to single women and how we are perceived. The book included chapters on creating a home that you love, finding meaningful hobbies, food and drinks, and whether or not to have an affair. Quick-witted and humorous, this book has truly inspired me. Short, sweet and to the point, I read it in one sitting. I started to go through and highlight my favorite nuggets of wisdom, until I realized I was highlighting the entire book. Here are a few of my faves:

Get into the habit of planning your week ahead, instead of drifting alone, thinking something pleasant will turn up.

The place you live should reflect your personality -- and it will, whether you want it to or not...It will give you away to everyone who comes in, and it will influence your moods and your morale.

But, in your own solitary menage, parties won't happen unless you plan them, and there won't be many guests unless you invite them. Moreover, you won't be a guest yourself unless you are also a hostess.

Living alone, you can -- within your own walls -- do as you like. The trick is to arrange your life so that you really do like it.

It is equally true that it is that lady who expects orchids who gets them, while you and I are pinning on a singluar gardenia.

Fantastic advice for any decade. Someday I would love to get my hands on a 1st edition printing. Until then, please read what I think is the only "self-help" book that strikes the perfect balance of celebrating singlehood, reveling in being a woman, living a full and interesting life whether single or married, and maintaining dignity and a sense of humor in a coupled-up world.

Boys, Boys, Boys

2009-01-22T23:21:00.003-05:00

Let the record show that I love men.

Chapter 1

Last night, Aladdin and I met for drinks at Miracle of Science. He looked good. He's definitely taken his sweet time getting in touch with my again since our fateful night in his pick-up.

Two IPAs later, he asked me to hang out at his place. Not wanting to seem to eager, I told him I had to get home but he insisted that I see his latest portrait. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a starving artist.

His place was cute. A spacious attic apartment with low-ceilings (if that isn't too much of an oxy-moron). He's a great artist and an even better kisser...

As we lay on his futon (did I mention he's a starving artist and yes, he does have a real bed but never sleeps on it), we got to talking...

1) I am amazed at just how many guys over the years have spoken these words: "I feel really comfortable with you." Though it's a nice "compliment" it hasn't gotten me all that far in the grand scheme of things.

2) He said he was done with games and "wants to spend time with me". I did a double take. He said he'd call me the next day. I said don't worry about it...we should never make promises we don't intend to keep.

Not only did he text me this morning to tell me that B.B. King is coming to town next month (I mentioned that I love B.B. in passing) but he also called just as promised.

Chapter 2

It was a beautiful (yet chilly) day today so I decided to go for a walk on my lunch break and why not see if Jehovah is up for the challenge. Don't know if I mentioned that Jehovah (aka Rock Star) works at a liquor store RIGHT next to my building. I love that he gives me the biggest hug every time I walk in like he hasn't seen me in years. Damn. That leather motorcycle jacket gets me every time.

We walked down the water and he talked about his dating woes (as usual). Anyway, it was nice to get outside and get a healthy dose of flirting in on my break.

Chapter 3

Got a phone call from the guy I went out with a few times like two years ago and randomly ran into on New Year's Eve (unfortunately, he was with his girlfriend). It was so nice to hear from him. God, he's sweet. And also a starving artist although his craft of choice is composing musical scores to films.So I'm catching up with Beanstalk when...

Aladdin beeps in.

Is there is a better feeling than talking to one gentleman caller while another is trying to get ahold of you? I think not. Double points for me!

Guess It Was Bust...

2009-01-18T11:24:00.004-05:00

What a waste of a Brazilian.

Though we had planned for weeks and confirmed on Thursday night, I hadn't heard from JT by Saturday early afternoon. I debated what to do but decided to leave around 3pm to head down to NYC. He knew I was coming, right? I left a couple messages but mid-way through Connecticut I was starting to worry. The last thing I wanted to do was to show up in Brooklyn at 8pm, find his apartment empty, and have to turn around and drive all the way back to Boston. I don't have any other friends in NYC.

Finally I got a text from him saying that he had a family emergency and that he had to drive up to Connecticut himself and that he would call me later. Legit excuse? Who knows. I don't trust him enough...it could have been bullshit. I asked him what he wanted me to do. He said he wasn't sure he's be back that night. I had no choice but to turn around.

There I was. Eating a mealy burger in the most depressing Friendly's on earth (hey there was nothing else around). I had pulled off Rt 95 in Clinton, CT because I hadn't eaten lunch and was starving. I felt like a supreme loser. Unwanted. Uninvited. Not only do I not get my sexy weekend in NYC, now I have to turn around and drive all the way back to Boston. I guess I shouldn't have tried to escape my rut. It seems that it's stronger than me after all and despite my best efforts, I can't escape it.

The only thing that brought half a smile to my face was the old-school "witch" sundae at Friendly's:

Just thought I'd throw that in for all the other children of the 80s.

So in an attempt to salvage my night (and in light of my fresh bikini wax and impending period), I started texting. Aladdin, the Violinist, Rollling Stone, and even Jehovah. They all flirted back...but at the end of the day I was rejected.

Wow. Here I was giving it away for free WHICH I NEVER DO and there were no takers? Seriously?

I wound up meeting up with some girlfriends who were heading into Cambridge for drinks. They insisted I come out when they heard of my dire situtation. Though their intentions were good, I couldn't help but resent the type of night it became: the chaos of trying to organize a large group, the friend who wanted us all drop what we were doing to join her in downtown Boston, the shit-show that is Middlesex Lounge on a Saturday night (I tried to warn them but they're from the suburbs and wouldn't listen to me), the confusion as we moved the party across the street to the Asgard, etc. When they decided to bar-hop to Somerville to chase down some Marines, that was when I had had enough. I told them I was heading home, but in reality, I stayed behind to enjoy my beer.

As I sat there nursing my PBR, I thought about how just a few hours earlier I was alone and how it made me feel lonely. Yet here I was at a populated bar at prime time on a Saturday night and I couldn't feel more comfortable. The band was good, the beer was cold, and I was alone with my thoughts. I suppose it all comes down to context. When my booty-call friend bailed on me, it wasn't my choice. I was alone because I was rejected and it felt shitty. But at the Asgard, I was there by choice to get away from the drama of a girls' night out.

As I left the bar, snow started to fall. I almost didn’t notice. I had to pull back the hood on my parka to make sure it was true. Mass Ave was quiet. Everything seems quieter when it snows. As I walked to my car, I felt wholly and completely myself and if that's all I have at the end of the day...

...well then that's just fine with me.

One Size Doesn't Fit All

2009-01-17T13:48:00.001-05:00

Buying condoms…does it ever get easier? I mean...I'm 27 years old. This is by no means the first time I have purchased condoms. Sure, it's been a while as the pill has been my preferred method of choice when I'm in a relationship and a back-up when I'm not. Truth be told, I tend to rely on the guy to provide the latex for my occasional tryst.

But I do believe that women should carry their own. So in I went to CVS today on what turned out to be a bright and cold Saturday morning and in the family planning aisle, I noted two things:

1) the price of condoms has gone way up since the last time I bought them. Six dollars for 3?? That's $2 per romp! (hmmm...I smell dire consequences in the public health/teenage pregnancy arena)

2) there are way more choices. And we're not talking just ribbed for her pleasure. We're talking condoms that border on sex toys! Exhibit A:

Yes, ladies. Durex now sells condoms that come with a battery-operated device to enhance your pleasure. Rings, fingertip massagers, I swear I even saw a remote control vibrator. Interesting.

I picked up the rest of my shopping list prior -- concealer, makeup remover, gum, hairspray, etc. I don't know why I left the condoms for last. Denial? Embarrassment? What am I? A 16-year-old teenage boy? As I perused the rubbery choices before me, I couldn't quite decide on how many to buy.

Three seemed to little. Surely it would do fine for my sex-weekend, but shouldn't I buy a few extra and stash them in my nightstand so I'm prepared the next time? A dozen seemed excessive...slutty even. Where was the six? Where was the SIX?????

It dawned on me that condoms are a lot like McDonald's chicken mcnuggets...the the four-piece leaves you wanting more but the 10- or 20-piece feely like gluttony. That's why they have the 6-piece McNugget...it's just right.

Anyway, I wound up getting the three pack. I can always pick up more right? I resisted the urge to bury them under my other purchases in the bottom of my basket. I felt sophisticated and mature. Maybe it was my imagination, but I swear the checkout girl was extra enthusiastic when she told me to have a nice day! hahahaha I assured her I would.

Brooklyn or Bust

2009-01-17T09:06:00.001-05:00

Road triiiiiiipppp!!!

Heading down to Brooklyn for my 3-day weekend. I can't wait! It'll be so nice to get out of town. Plus I have an alterior motive.

Truth be told...this weekend is actually an interstate booty call. LOL. JT is a dirty old man in the best sense of the term. For years we've had a flirty/sexy text thing going on. He usually asks me for photos. I rarely oblige but when I do the results are entertaining. We met when I dated his friend years ago. He moved to NYC.

JT is an architect by day. At the risk of flattering myself, JT is a good-looking guy for his age (about 40). In a certain light, I swear he looks like Brad Pitt. To top it all off...he's phenomenal in bed. Exciting, energetic, dirty, fun. Okay I'll stop before you get too squeemish and stop reading. Suffice to say, he is well worth the 4-hour drive to New York especially since I haven't had, as my friend Alex puts it, a proper shag in say oh 7 months.

So I'm off to the salon for the blue plate special! (That's the blue wax bikini wax at GLOW Salon in Braintree. It's supposed to hurt less.)

Though I'm looking forward to spending at least part of the weekend in bed...I'm actually REALLY excited to just be in Brooklyn. I want to drink good beer in cool little pubs, go to the Brooklyn Museum of Art, and just sip coffee and people watch. I'm ok with spending that time alone...I don't expect JT to babysit.

I just want to feel the possibility of life somewhere else.

The Sound of Silence

2009-01-15T23:34:00.001-05:00

Mr. Big e-mailed me out of the blue this morning telling me he was working downtown and did I want to have lunch?

I deleted his e-mail.

Wait. Hear that? That’s the sound of no drama. Ahhhh…

I'd Like to Thank the Academy

2009-01-14T23:11:00.008-05:00

In the spirit of Hollywood awards season, I have decided to dole out my own award for Douchbag Of The Year! And the nominees are....

(drum roll)

1) Christian for the following exchange:

Met a guy at N_$'s party. Stupidly gave him my number at his friend's request (long story). I wasn't even interested or attracted to him, I just felt bad for him. He was so pathetic following me around the party, telling me he "just wants to take me out to dinner".

By the end of the night he's drunk and clingy and in my face. The guy calls twice and texts me 3 times within 30 minutes of leaving. Ok, that's already starting to get too intense for me.

A couple days later I get these:

"Hi kenzie remember! just saying hi its christian!"
[sent at 2:07 AM]

"I see that u dont want to talk to me! So everything about u chilling was bullshit! iaght i see how it is!"
[sent at 3:46AM]

Um.......can you say PSYCHO?????? I'm so sick of bizarre behavior. So I send this on my way in to work:

"U know what's bullshit? Texting people u barely know at 3am then getting angry when they dont respond. U r a psycho! Lose my number!"

Then with my morning coffee I get this doozy:

"fuck u! just was saying hi! remember u r the dumbass that gave me the number! trust me r u number is gone! U aint even fine!"

Lovely.

2) Met a guy on match.com. Really cute. That shoulda been a clue. We imed a few times, he asked me out for a drink in Quincy on a Sunday afternoon then when the time came he blew me off. Months later he winks at me again on Match thinking I wouldn't recognize or remember him:

me: Why should I give you a second chance when you blew me off the first time???

him: I was hoping for a "who is this" response. Apparently you have a good memory -- dam [sic].

me: And apparently you're still a douche

3) I'd also like to throw one out for my ladies (after all, I can't have ALL the douchebag fun). My friend Miss A's New Year's Eve date. Who she met online (are you sensing a theme here?) and who flew all the way from Japan to meet her for the first time and spend a romantic NYE together. Sparks flew. Then he took his sparks over to Miami where he vacationed with another girl he met online. What a douche.

4) Mr. Big for accepting the exact same Christmas gift from the woman I suspected he was cheating on me with. Yeah. You read that right. A year ago I find a second pair of L.L. Bean wicked good mocassins in light brown in men's size 12 which he asked for specifically for Christmas. Coincidence? I think not. I also found her dirty underwear in his bedroom but I guess that's a moot point now.

That's it folks! Vote for your favorite douchebag today!!

That's a Wrap

2009-01-14T22:52:00.004-05:00

Well, it finally happened.

The first of my ex-boyfriends has tied the knot.

We dated for 3 years in college and broke up when I graduated. He was my first boyfriend. When he gave me a beautiful gold and pearl ring for our anniversary I wore it on my left ring finger with the idea that he would someday replace it with a diamond. Silly me.

Not only is my ex married, but so are all of his friends from college. My friend, Dave who informed me of all this rattled off at least 4 other couples we knew in college that stayed together and are now married. If that wasn't enough, Dave plans to propose to his g/f of 5 months in a few weeks (hmmm....Valentine's Day?). I tried not to let on how crazy I think he is for doing so. And as if THAT wasn't enough, my 24-year-old cousin just got engaged a couple of weeks ago to her college b/f. Oh, and I've been asked to be a bridesmaid. Woo-hoo.

Why does it seem like all of a sudden the world is married? And I'm talking about people my age and younger! I really hate admitting this, but I'm starting to feel like tiniest bit of panic creeping up. How come no one's even asking me out??

I don't even know if I want to get married and lord knows I don't want to be married to the wrong person. So why do I care? Is it just the thought of being the last kid picked for the kickball team?

I know I'm desirable and that I have just as much of a chance at finding love as anyone else. It's just that I feel excluded from this whole club -- Club Couples...the party I wasn't invited to. (By the way, this includes co-habitating couples.)

I'm just so sick fo the "we"s. We are staying in tonight. We have to do errands. We don't like that restaurant.

I miss my friends. But they don't miss me because they have their significant others to fulfill their needs and fill their downtime.

Legendary designer, Diane von Furstenberg once said...

"When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier."

Lately when I'm down or feeling lonely, I try to remember this. On the one hand, it makes me sad because it reminds me that I have no one....that no one understands me and supports me in the way I want to be supported.

But on the other hand...no one understands me better than me. And, in that sense, I already have everything I could possibly need.

A Note To All Single Men...

2009-01-11T22:14:00.007-05:00

...we do not settle for mediocre sex.

If you are looking for:

a) a one-night stand
b) a "friends with benefits" situation which, let's face it, is pretty juvenile after the age of 25
c) any other variation on a "relationship" which includes nookie for you and no promise of dinner at a restaurant with actual cloth napkins and tablecloths for us

I got news for ya. We are NOT INTERESTED in any of these options if you are bad in bed. We're not even interested if you're ok in bed or if maybe your college girlfriend showed you a few tricks which you break out from time to time to show that you are indeed "the Man" when it comes to performing in the sack.

The truth is that we do not have the time nor the inclination to waste our talents on your unappreciative, uninspiring ass.

All I'm saying is that if all I'm getting is sex?...it better be DAMN good. Because I want the whole thing....love, commitment, friendship, understanding, fun!...and if you aren't even willing to entertain the thought of giving me all those things? Well then you better have several things up your sleeve to keep me interested and satisfied.

Please note: I estimate that a mere 1% of men can actually live up to this charge. The rest of you? Please take your limp dicks, your sloppy kisses, and your fumbling hands to some other woman with lower standards and lesser self-esteem. You are NOT Cassanova. Either bring your A game or ask us out on a real date.

That is all.

Living Single

2009-01-08T23:00:00.002-05:00

I came across a fantastic blog today called Living Single. The blogstress is Bella DePaulo, a social scientist and author of "Singled Out: How Singles are Sterotyped, Stimgmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After".

Her blog seems relatively new (not a ton of postings) but is very well written and dead on, in my opinion. I appreciate her academic approach to exploring the perspective of singles and the hurdles we face. Too often we allow our views of singlehood to be merely based on emotion and fail to recognize the social, financial, health and legal immplications of what it means. Make sure to check out her posting on what the world might look like if the tables were turned on singles vs. marrieds. Hilarious!

Point for Me!

2009-01-05T22:31:00.002-05:00

Man, being an adult is exhausting. How did I not notice this? Oh yeah, because I've been slacking off and have no discipline. HAHAHAHA

I'm so proud of myself that I actually planned my healthy meals for the entire week (including breakfasts and lunches)! I brought groceries to work today, WENT TO THE GYM, cooked a great dinner, cleaned up the entire kitchen (which was mostly left in disarray by my housemates), and here I am exhausted at 10:30pm.

I can totally do this.

Park and Ride

2009-01-03T21:06:00.006-05:00

So I JUST got back from having dinner with Aladdin. Hmmm. A little conflicted/confused. So much is going through my mind that I just gotta sort this through.

He texted this afternoon asking if I want to grab a cup of coffee and even offered to come to the Tree. Met up at Coffee Break for a latte which was fun and low-key. Then we went to Fat Cat in Quincy for an early dinner and felt like an ass because apparently he's become a vegetarian since I last saw him a year ago and I here I go suggesting a place heavy on the wings and burgers. Oh well.

Dinner was fun. He talked about his art, etc. OH, and he's totally fresh. He made some comment like "thank god this is a non-date date". What??? Oh, ok. You wanna play THAT game? I teased him about it for the rest of the night. He thrives on the drama and I don't at all. After dinner he wanted to hang out...

me: Drinks?
Aladdin: Nah.
me: Listen to music at my place?
Aladdin: No, your brothers might give me a death stare and chase me down the street with a torches and pitchforks.
me: Well, I'm outta ideas.
Aladdin: Isn't there any place you know, scenic around here?

So we parked at the Braintree lake and madeout like teenagers in his big red pick-up truck!!!! LOL! I know, completely ridiculous making out with a 30-year-old guy parked by a lake in the suburbs, looking over our shoulders for cops. Silly? Yes. HOT??? Double yes. Wow. Things were crazy and hot and wonderful.

And here's the dilemma.

If I sleep with Aladdin I will initiate the typical sex-before-relationship cascade of events which goes something like this:

I sleep with Aladdin.
I get emotionally attached (even though I don't know what I want from him yet).
He doesn't call for 2 weeks.
I freak out and feel bad about myself.
He finally calls but then things quickly degenerate into the booty-call texting.
I play along for a while, get fed up with my own lack of self-restraint and commitment to getting what I want (a real relationship), say something snarky and passive aggressive to him, and we never speak again.

The End.

Now when ya put it like that it's pretty clear that I shouldn't jump the gun...nay, I shouldn't even sleep with him until I know what we are. But the thing is? I haven't had sex in sooooooooooo long! Let alone good sex! One false start with Rolling Stone doesn't count and not only was Mr. Big 6 at least 6 months ago, it was rare and mediocre the last few months.

So there's my dilemma. One the one hand, I want to give this a (second) chance and see what could develop between us. On the other hand, I could use a little fun these days and how much do Aladdin and I really have in common anyway except a mutual admiration for each other's lips?

Graphics Department

2009-01-02T11:29:00.000-05:00

Now that it's January, it's time to think about...

...SPRING FASHION!!! Ok, I might be jumping the gun a little here but there's no harm in planning ahead. Here's a little round-up of my latest F21 finds:

Love the colors! Graphic and abstract prints seem to be carried over from last season. I love that you could wear this with jeans or tucked into a ladylike skirt with a cardigan and skinny belt.

Same idea.

I love this fun hoodie. It's not my typical style by any means, but I like the spunky hipster flare.

I just thought this t-shirt was cute and comes in interesting color combinations.

This black jeweled cuff looks WAY more expensive than it is. I swear I have seen many many designer cuffs just like it.

I think this is an interesting piece and also looks like a designer necklace I recently spotted (will add the link if I can remember where I saw it). It's very dramatic and could go over a simple black dress for night or with a plain grey boys t-shirt, jeans, and high heeled ankle boots for the weekend.

New Year, New Resolutions

2009-01-01T11:04:00.001-05:00

Ok, we all know how this goes but I may as well put it in writing so I can look back and see how quickly I gave up hahahaha.

New Year's Resolutions (I may or may not keep):

...drum roll please...

1) Avoid depression (the rest of the list kinda depends on me mastering #1).
2) Cook more.
3) Exercise more (duh).
4) Be more thoughtful.
5) Be more organized/simplify my life and my stuff.
6) Completely fix remaining identity theft issues and restore my credit.
7) Get a credit card.
8) Save enough for a trip to London.
9) Save some more so I can get on with my life.
10) Follow my own advice with regard to men.

Cupcakes!!!!

2008-12-23T12:48:00.008-05:00

If you're looking for cute stocking stuffers or gifts for your girlfriends, look no further! I give you: Cupcake Inspiration. How can you not smile when you think about cupcakes?

First up is a cute little animated cupcake key topper from F21 (they also have an owl and an ice cream cone which is really cute too).

Then of course there's these ADORABLE soaps by Lily Bay Soap. They're made with 98% natural ingredients and the sprinkles are real! (Not that I'm advising you eat them). You can order cupcake soaps by the dozen and give them to all your friends. Or you could order one in every flavor for yourself. I won't tell.

If these goodies have your mouthwatering, then head over to KickAss Cupcakes in Davis Square for the real thing.

Finally, for those with money to burn, this ridiculously adorable Judith Leiber miniaudiere which was featured in the SATC movie can be yours for $4,295. Now that's what I call a stocking stuffer!

Christmas Wish List

2008-12-23T12:46:00.006-05:00

This year I'm going for practical items over indulgence, partly because of the economy and partly because I just have too much stuff as it is. Here are the things on my wish list:

Replacement iPod earbuds (because kitty cat chewed mine) and an armband for working out at the gym.

More hangers! These are the best because they are SUPER slim so you save space in your closet plus they're velvety so nothing slips off. I've slowly been trying to convert all my hangers. There's something about having matching hangers that makes getting dressed feel fancy! Since I already have so many clothes/shoes/accessories, I'm trying to take better care of them and organize them so I can enjoy them more.

A little silly, but I have nothing to decorate my cubicle! Someone save me from my depressing grey existence! A cheerful plant would do nicely.

Can you believe that I don't own the complete SATC dvd set??? It used to be like $300 but now you can get it for around $100. I might break down and buy that and the movie for myself since I know my brothers won't think of it.

Finally, I saw this cute cashmere robe at Bath and Body Works the other day and had to put it on my list. Soooo soft but lightweight and would work for multiple seasons. Plus it's on sale!

What's on your wish list?

Update: Did some after Christmas sale shopping and scored those huggable hangers 10 for $5 at Christmas Tree Shoppe!!! Picked up a house plant and Home Depot (yeah, I can't believe I was actually there either)and the cashmere robe from Bath and Body Works for 50% off. Plus my brother gave me the SATC movie dvd and the other a gift certificate to Best Buy so I can buy the series! I guess I was a good girl this year haha.

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

2008-12-22T15:08:00.004-05:00

Yay! Snow! Now I'm getting into the holiday spirit. It snowed ALL weekend. I didn't have to work on Friday so woo-hoo! Three day weekend!

I stayed home and watched lots of crappy movies and cuddled with my kitten (her first taste of snow). Um, so I'm just gonna come out and say it...why is every movie Jennifer Aniston in total crap?? I don't have Netflix (guess it's what all the kids are doing these days) so I was forced to rely on tv movies like The Break Up and Along Came Polly. Completely not funny and pointless.

I was supposed to get some holiday shopping done, but instead I opted for plugging in my little white Christmas lights, lit a candle, and poured myself a glass of wine. Oddly enough, I didn't mind being along all weekend and even enjoyed it. Cheers!

Nights in Red Satin

2008-12-17T13:25:00.006-05:00

Going to a friend's cocktail party on Thursday evening. I can't wait because the dress code is festive and fancy! I'm planning on wearing a red satin halter dress like this one:

A little nod to Marilyn, I suppose. Not sure what shoes and accessories to wear. I'm thinking a brown fur capelet in keeping with the retro feel. Maybe a gold jeweled sandal?If I didn't already have that dress, I would definitely go for this one which I LOVE:

I absolutely love the gigantic bow on this dress!!!! Like I'm a big present! But couldn't they have found better shoes? I mean, c'mon! A basic black shoe would have be leagues ahead.

Last-Minute Holiday Entertaining

2008-12-17T12:35:00.016-05:00

In spite of my last post, I love checking out holiday recipes this time of year. Specifically, I am always on the hunt for real real easy and fast appetizers than I can throw together when I don't have time to shop and am forced to pillage my pantry. I'm loving these suggestions from Sheryl Julian on www.boston.com:

Shrimp "Cocktail"

3 cups tomato or vegetable juice
1 tablespoon bottled white horseradish, or to taste
Generous dash hot sauce, or to taste
Juice of 1 lemon
Salt, to taste
1 onion, quartered
1 bay leaf
3 peppercorns
1 cup lager beer
6 large shrimp (unshelled)

1. Have on hand 6 shot or other small glasses.

2. In a pitcher, combine the tomato or vegetable juice. Add the horseradish, hot sauce, lemon juice, and salt. Stir well, taste for seasoning, and add more horseradish or hot sauce, if you like. Cover and refrigerate.

3. Bring a small saucepan of salted water to a boil. Add the onion, bay leaf, and peppercorns. Simmer for 2 minutes. Add the beer. When the water returns to a boil, add the shrimp. Let the shrimp simmer for 2 minutes or until they turn pink and firm. With a slotted spoon, remove the shrimp from the water and transfer to cold water. Peel the shrimp.

4. Divide the juice among the 6 glasses. Add a shrimp to each one.

I MUST TRY THIS! The presentation is to die for. Plus I love shrimp cocktail. And Bloody Marys (which this remind me of). Hmmmm, maybe I could spike it with vodka? hahaha If I was really pressed for time, I would just buy pre-cooked shrimp and skip cooking them with the onion/beer/etc.

Eggs with Caviar

The important part here is to move the eggs quickly from boiling water to very cold water. Immediately remove a wide band of shell from each one. The whites shrink a little to make peeling easier and prevent a green line from forming around the yolks. Salmon caviar is bright red and much less expensive than other varieties.

6 eggs
Salt and pepper, to taste
3 tablespoons salmon (red) caviar, or to taste
1. Bring a large saucepan of water to a boil. Lower the eggs into the water. Let the water bubble gently for 9 minutes exactly.

2. Transfer the eggs to a bowl of very cold water. Let the cold tap run into the bowl. Peel the eggs and return them to the cold water until they are cold.

3. Dry the eggs, halve them horizontally. Cut a slice from the rounded side of each half and set the halves on a platter. Sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper. Add a dab of caviar to each one.

First of all, how cheap are eggs? Second of all, how fancy is caviar?! Even if it is the red kind.

Mini Egg Sandwiches

4 hard-cooked eggs (see eggs with caviar, opposite page)
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
Salt and pepper, to taste
1 stalk celery, finely chopped
8 hard or soft dinner rolls
Extra mayonnaise (for spreading)
1 cucumber, thinly sliced
3 stalks fresh parsley (leaves only)
1. In a bowl, mash the eggs, mayonnaise, salt, pepper, and celery.

2. Cut the rolls horizontally into thirds, keeping the layers of each roll together. Spread all the cut surfaces with mayonnaise. Spoon egg salad on the bottom of each roll. Add the middle layer. Arrange cucumbers and parsley leaves on top. Add the top of each roll.

Note: To keep the sandwiches for several hours, set them on a platter, wrap it tightly in plastic wrap, making sure no corners are exposed, and refrigerate.

These are so easy and I can think of a million and one variations: chicken salad + sliced apples = mini Waldorf salad sandwiches. Or even leftover meatloaf on toasted buns with a smokey BBQ sauce.

I agree with the article that presentation is half the battle. ABarr and The Republican came over last Saturday night for scotch and a heated game of Encore and were nice enough to bring along some goodies. It's amazing how cheese and crackers on a rustic wooden cutting board and using the pretty plates makes all the difference.

My new alcoholic holiday obsession is St. Elizabeth's Allspice Dram. This stuff is amazing! It tastes like cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves...holiday in a glass! Totally warms you up. Aside from drinking it as a digestivo straight up or on the rocks, I was wondering what to do with it until I came across this recipe in the Phoenix:

Apple Pie Martini

2 oz. Apple Brandy
1/2 oz. St. Elizabeth's Allspice Dram
1/2 oz. lemon juice
1/2 oz. honey syrup

Shake, strain into martini glass, and dust with nutmeg.

I might substitute Barenjager for the honey syrup (is that different from honey?) since it's already sitting in my liquor cabinet. Can never have too much kick to your cocktail, can you?

Voila! Instant party.

The Cliched Single Girl Holiday Blues

2008-12-16T11:19:00.013-05:00

Ok, I'm starting to feel it. I'm hurt and lonely and a little angry. Ok, a lot angry. People just don't get it.

My boss invited our group over to her house for a holiday get-together dinner thing. Basically that means it was me and 7 couples, most of them married. Well 6, actually. My co-worker's boyfriend had to work and couldn't make it. She was overheard lamenting loudly "I can't believe I have to go dateless."

Um, no. I have to go dateless, you insensitive shreiking banshee. But did anyone care how I felt about that? Or try to make an extra effort to include me in conversation?

There's my friend ABarr -- her husband is away on business for the weeks leading up to Christmas but will be home for the actual holiday. One friend actually brought her some home-cooked dinners because how will she ever survive the holiday season without dear hubby? And mustn't it be so hard?

Hmmm, I don't recall receiving any care packages to get me through the holidays alone.

Then there's A! Sorry, A! to call you out. It's nothing personal, it's just typical. While I love that you made time to have dinner for me before leaving for Arizona, I can't help but notice that you had to make time for me. I know it's difficult to find room for friends when your schedule is packed with baking homemade bread for your boyfriend, selecting the perfect Christmas tree for your new pad together, choosing a sentimental ornament to commemorate your first Christmas together, and recovering from your marathon sex sessions. Wait, aren't you the one who used to complain about girls who disappear after they get serious with a guy? I tease, I tease...

Then there's the Fab Six -- a group of fabulous women I befriended over the summer and who are most definitely single and looking to mingle. While they're fun to hang out with and it's nice to have friends to go out and scope guys with, I can't help but feel that they're more interested in meeting men than in actually forming a friendship with me.

So...how to survive. Maybe I'll just sit around in my pjs watching old episodes of Kung Fu and eating whatever I want (pumkin pie for breakfast, I'm looking at you). It's not wallowing in self-pity...it's giving the big F-U to Christmas...on my terms.

Anyway, this article was mildly entertaining. I know I should be rushing out to volunteer at a soup kitchen as I write this, but if I don't get to it? Eh. I'm not gonna beat myself up. Happy Holidays.

10 Reasons Why It's Awesome To Be Single During The Holiday Season

Why Am I Always the Last To Know?

2008-12-08T12:35:00.006-05:00

Ok, so I'm a loser and only now found out about www.pandora.com (thanks A!). This website is fantastic! You create your own "radio stations" by typing in an artist and the program recommends other songs you might like. You tell it if you like the song or not and it adjusts its recommendations accordingly. Such a great way to discover new music! It's also great to just put on as background music to create a certain mood. I'm a huge Postal Service fan and now thanks to Pandora, my music obsession of the week is "Hello Seattle" by Owl City.

No Rest for the Single...

2008-12-08T12:13:00.002-05:00

In more positive dating news, Aladdin are making plans to get together Wednesday I am very much looking forward to it. Oh, and have like one week left on my match.com subscription. I also have a match.com date on Friday. He's the Cambridge academic type. Not drop-dead but seems decent. I'm sure it'll be the standard first-date interview type thing but I'm up for it.

So let's see....we have dates 5-8 with Rolling Stone plus a couple this week. Damn! I'm gonna have to step up my game if I want to get to 100! LOL

R is for Rebound

2008-12-07T20:23:00.004-05:00

Uggghhhh. I hate actually learning things from relationships.

Rolling Stone was sooo sweet and invited me over for dinner last night. I brought the bubbly and he made a kick-ass shrimp risotto. I think we were both a little nervous but nothing a few drinks couldn't cure. Overall the night was fun, but there are issues.

I really like him. I do. But this has rebound written ALL over it. Too bad. Maybe we can be friends and a few months from now he'll be more focused? Yeah right. He'll be dating someone else by then.

He doesn't know what he wants and while I don't blame him because he's just out of a relationship, I'm not sure I want to go along for the ride. I'm sick of being the girl that helps guys get over their breakup/divorce/life issues. Because at the end of the day, when they've enjoyed the comfort and companionship of being with me,...the ultimately move onto something else. They get all of their needs met for the time being and I wind up walking away empty-handed.

So where does that leave me? Well, I think for now I'd like to keep seeing Rolling Stone but I have to pull WAY back. Maybe concentrate more on friendship?

Snow fell softly as I left Rolling Stone's apartment and walked to my car early Sunday morning. I couldn't help but wonder, the touch of his skin still warm in my memory, if this was a case of ill-timing and over-eagerness on my part...

...or if Rolling Stone will go down in history as the man who broke my heart before he even had it.

Something In the Water?

2008-12-03T11:11:00.006-05:00

I got a very unexpected and very welcome e-mail today.

It was from a guy I went out with a few times about a year ago. I can't believe he found me (thank you facebook)! I have, of course, lost his number through phone changes but he has DEFINITELY popped into my head recently. So cool!

Ok, so some stats...let's see. Very cute. Very pretty. Like Aladdin pretty. Hahaha. Darker skin than me. Dark brown/black hair. About 30? Originally from LA. MIT student though was working part-time at a Foot Locker (not exactly swoon-worthy but hey nobody's perfect and I'd just assume forget about my all-too-recent stint at an Arden B).

I'll never forget his opening line: "So what do you have going for you besides your good looks?" Hmmmm, I thought. Bold, a little cocky, and obviously looking for a girl who can keep up with him. And just when his pretentiousness would turn me off, something else would turn me on. I remember him being a great kisser. And once he surprised me by bringing me a white lily.

It was beautiful.

So how did I mess it all up? Well, at the time I met Aladdin I was also starting to see Mr. Big, not exclusively at that point, but things were moving forward. At a certain point, I had to make a choice.

Now fate has smiled on me with (I hope) a second chance. I e-mailed him back my mea culpa so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I always did like lilies.

House of Cards

2008-12-02T23:24:00.008-05:00

I knew it was too good to be true.

I knew it was a matter of time before Rolling Stone blew up in my face so to speak. Well, maybe that's a little melodramatic. It's just that we spent 3 nights together last week (still not sleeping together, just talking and cuddling and making out).

I know he opened up to me.

Maybe I imagined it.... maybe he opens up to everyone and what does that make me? The resident therapist? I'm not interested in that position. So...

Monday. He calls me. He's cute on the phone. He's tired and he's an insomniac. He gives me his e-mail address and tells me to e-mail him.

So, today...Tuesday. I e-mail him. I wait. And I wait. It's 11:28pm and he never got back to me. Okay. So I went home, had 2 glasses of wine (bad idea) and texted him "hope you got some sleep last night".

One word response: "Nope."

Seriously? Wow. What is your ex-girlfriend at your doorstep looking for closure? WTF?

So in my wine-induced mis-step, I decided it would be a good idea to call him and leave him a vulnerable, flowery message saying something like "I know you don't feel like talking, but I'm think about you."

If that wasn't bad enough, I sent him a crossword puzzle note today via snail mail (yes, I still feel inspired to do so) with a flirty little note. Don't know if I told you, but we definitely bonded over our mutual love of crossword puzzles.

God, what is wrong with me? I have to nip this in the bud. No good can come of this and it doesn't take a psychologist to tell that I will be hurt in all of this.

I'm already broken-hearted because I can see how this will play out.

I hate being right.

And a Happy Thanksgiving It Was...

2008-12-01T12:10:00.012-05:00

Firsts are fun. The first sip of an expertly-poured cocktail. The first bite of a crunchy taco (hey, what can I say? I love Mexican). The first snowfall of the season. Your first apartment. Your first apartment alone. And of course...

...first kisses.

I'm sitting here at my desk, with that new boy glow and I gotta say...

It feels nice.

My extra long weekend was a blur of drinking and eating and having fun. Maybe it's been too much too quickly, but hey, isn't that what Thanksgiving is all about? Overindulgence?

I've been spending quite a bit of time with Rolling Stone. We met for a drink on Wednesday night (and Thursday and Saturday). I wore my badass new (faux) leather jacket with a t-shirt, jeans, and heels:

Conversation was easy. Fun. Flirty. He looked good. His eyes are this crazy beautiful pale grey. I like his voice. And his hair. He's got great hair. Salt and pepper and really thick and soft.

And he's a GREAT kisser.

I'm surprised by how much I like him and it scares me a little bit. He's disarmingly open and vulnerable. Not sure if I'm ready to take that on. But he makes me laugh. And he doesn't play games.

I spent three nights at his place last week. Yeah. Definitely didn't expect that. The best part was...we didn't sleep together. I know, I know you're like what? We agreed that making out was so much fun and why rush everything else?! Plus we're just not ready. He's a real gentleman and I respect and appreciate that.

The best part is he makes me feel like I have something to say. He likes that I have opinions and actually listens. What a concept! A guy actually liking me for my personality and brains? I thought they were extinct. So after the bar closed and we all went back to his place to listen to records and I was arguing to his stubborn friends that Van Halen is the American AC/DC, he looked his radio dj friend in the eye and said:

"She's got a good point."

I know it doesn't sound like much but it meant the world to me. He didn't flinch. He didn't roll his eyes as he reached for another beer. He didn't just dismiss me because I'm a chick. Groundbreaking hahahahaha. Made me realize that I've been dating guys who don't respect me in the least and that's sad. Ok, moving on.

I am smitten, despite myself. Honestly, I can't stop thinking about Rolling Stone in his wife-beater shirt with thick hair and charming wit. Let's just play it cool and see what happens....

Take Care When Mixing Outerwear

2008-11-25T17:04:00.002-05:00

Today I unwittingly walked into work wearing a navy toggle coat and red bucket hat. Any resemblance to our friend, Paddington Bear, is purely coincidental.

A Taste of the Holidays

2008-11-24T15:46:00.004-05:00

Little C and I talking about our love of peppermint...

me: I like to melt a candy cane into a cup of hot chocolate...
Tastes like the holidays.

Little C: My holidays taste like alcohol.

Who'd Like to Save $877.20?

2008-11-20T14:20:00.006-05:00

Ok, so what is up lately with cheapo-teenage-trend-warehouse Forever21 doing impeccable knock-offs of super high-end designer shoes?! Just discovered this neon pair (remember, I'm on a neon kick?) on their website which is an EXACT copy of these Giambattista Valli neon pink heels worn by Mary-Kate Olsen and Rihanna!

These shoes are so f*@#ing FIERCE! I love love love! I'd be like 10-feet tall but who cares. They'd look great with a black mini dress. I also like the idea of really long, high-waisted black pant with wide legs. You'd get a quick flash of neon pink when you walk! With these shoes, confidence is a must.

Also spotted on F21.com, these futuristic yet girlie peep-toed shoe/booties as seen on the Chloe runway:

I am seriously impressed by F21 for such great knock-offs! I'm sure they are probably uncomfortable for the price, but hey...it's an outfit shoe. These are for standing or sitting ONLY! hahaha Hmmm...maybe I'll stop by the SSP tonight and see if I can scrounge up a pair in a size 10...

A Rolling Stone Gathers...My Digits?

2008-11-18T12:09:00.002-05:00

A! called me over the weekend ask permission to give out my phone #. Hmmmmm....who was asking for it, you wonder? This guy I know from around...a regular at the bar I used to work at in Cambridge and a friend/acquaintence of mine, A!'s and A!'s boyfriend. He would usually show up as I finished my shift, grabbed a PBR and joined him and the other regulars at the bar. Cambridge is a small town and you always run into the same people. The particular guy had a g/f the last time I saw him just a few weeks ago, though it never seemed like either was happy in the relationship.

Honestly, I was completely surprised. I mean,...I didn't think he was interested. He flirts with everyone so it was hard to tell. Even harder to tell right now is if I'm interested back.

He's older. As old as Mr. Big, actually, which I swore I wouldn't date again. He's definitely good-looking for his age. His g/f was young, pretty and a size 4. Honestly, he gives off a little bit of a gay vibe even though I know he's straight. Something about the impeccably coiffed hair. I know he bartends in Cambridge but supposedly he's got a good day job too. Seems like he knows everyone. Got a bit of a ADD-meets-rocker vibe, hangs out with radio guys, unapologetically in-your-face....Let's call him Rolling Stone.

Anyway, A! could sense my hesitation and brought up a good point: Rolling Stone has seen me happy, sad, depressed, crying, bitchy, angry, drunk, sober, dressed up, dressed down...he's seen it all.

And he's still interested.

That kind of floored me and it's a mini-victory in and of itself (which I could really use these days). I've gotten too hung-up on who's thinner/pretty/younger than me when that's not necessarily tops a guy's list of prerequisites.

But still...Older? Just out of a relationship? I don't want to be somebody's rebound! I don't know...I told A!to go ahead and give him my number but I don't expect too much. We can go for a beer and just see what happens...

Happy Halloween!!!

2008-10-31T13:26:00.005-04:00

Ahh...one of my favorite holidays. :) I'm throwing a costume party tomorrow night and it must be FABULOUS! Originally I was trying to make a sea hag costume with a bunch of seashells and fabric and a hot glue gun (don't ask why I had gobs of either one lying around in my house) but given that I am running out of time, I'm just going to pick up a cool pair of angel wings and be a Disco Angel. I know, I know, the whole "I'm a sexy _____" is totally overdone but what can I do. At least it's a classic. I figure a short white sparkly mini dress, feather angel wings, 5" glittery wedges and face glitter should suffice.

So what else do I have planned for my party?

Mini-toasts with wasabi mayonnaise and smoked salmon
Grape tomatos, basil, and mozzarella sticks (cut up and 1 of each on toothpick)
Salami, pepperoncini, and Monterey jack cheese sticks (ditto)
Assorted chips, dips, nuts, etc.
Chocolate trifle with Reese's cups

I'm even going to make a red punch with a giant piece of ice shaped like a bat floating in it!

What can I say? I'm a dork.

UPDATE: Party was a moderate success. Everyone loved the food, drinks, and decor!!! And the costumes were great! Too bad a lot of peeps didn't show up like they said they would . Check out this kick-ass jack-o-lantern that A! carved...

The SATC/Lipstick Jungle/Cashmere Mafia Syndrome

2008-10-30T15:42:00.006-04:00

You can talk to your girlfriends about anything, right? You swap stories about hilariously bad dates, boyfriend woes, bad sex (or good sex), and everything in between. But there is one topic that is taboo: self-esteem.

I feel pressure NOT to acknowledge that I want a man in my life. It seems like everytime I say I'm lonely or that I envy a happy couple or wonder no one asks me out that my friends immediately shush me with "you dont' need a man!" or "oh stop, you're awesome" or "would you really want her boyfriend/husband anyway?"

This is not helpful, it's dismissive. When I say these things, I'm really looking for my friends to LISTEN to what I'm going through. The emotional and mental process of singlehood and what it means for today and possibly for my future.

It's like in SATC when Carrie says to Charlotte at her book signing party "I'm lonely. The loneliness is palapable." Charlotte doesn't fire off a speech about being your own woman and not needing a man and being happy with your accomplishments and loving yourself before you can love anybody else blah blah blah blah blah

She just listens.

Desperately Seeking Debbie

2008-10-30T15:05:00.004-04:00

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Debbie.

Debbie who?

Debbie Downer. Waah-waaah.

Yup she's back! And more pessemistic than ever. WTF is going on with me? I'll tell you what. Stress. Anxiety. The economy. Lay-offs at my job. Financial uncertainty. Lack of dating prospects. The failure of every relationship I've ever had coming back to haunt me. What isn't bothering me these days?

Dating Desert

2008-10-17T13:16:00.005-04:00

Seriously. I need a date. Or at least a prospect. Cuz even the goofy 24-year-old kid that works on my floor is starting to look good to me.

Where ARE all the single men? All I seem to find is gay or married. I feel like a snoooooze of a person for not having anything better to report. Maybe I'll spend an afternoon this weekend in Harvard Square...picking up a junior english lit prof? I could definitely go for that type of guy these days.

Gonna go catch me one a them tumble weeds now...

Wish List!

2008-10-17T11:50:00.009-04:00

Yay! It's Friday! And that means my thoughts turn to shopping. I know given the state of our current economy and my stagnant paycheck, I shouldn't be blowing my disposable income, but I couldn't help but share a few goodies that are on my wish list...

First up, a black low-cut leotard from American Apparel. I think with the right thing it's very elegant and sexy with a ballerina-like neckline. I'd like to wear it tomorrow night with a new F21 skirt I got last week. It's black satin, mini and kinda poufy with a wide sash and big bow right at the natural waistline. Planning to wear it out tomorrow night with electric blue tights (purchased in Montreal).

Note to self: Do not pair blue tights with white shoes unless dressing like Smurfette for Halloween.

While I'm on a blue kick, I am DEVASTATED that Marks & Spencer doesn't ship to the U.S. so I can score this:

Just like the one Carrie wears in the SATC Movie! It's from Patricia Field's new collection at M&S (http://www.marksandspencer.com/gp/browse.html/ref=sc_ca_c_0_42966030_2/026-2863166-2382852?ie=UTF8&node=80944031&no=42966030&mnSBrand=core&me=A2BO0OYVBKIQJM). This was hands down my favorite look of the film. Not sure if it's a little TOO identifyable from the movie, you know? Like I would walk down the street and everyone would know I copped the look? But it's just such a great dress. I might have to have my friends the Brits mail it over to me.

Also on my wish list is a grey wool blazer at the Gap. I think this blazer could work a million ways. As an alternative to a cardigan at work, over a granny floral print dress and riding boots on the weekend, or out at night with great jeans and a sparkly top.

Finally, a cute pair of leopard print flats from Target to replace the ones that I've worn into the ground and an avante garde pair of patent wedges from (you might want to sit down for this)...Payless. I can't believe it! They look much more high fashion because they're designed by Alicia + Olivia. Love the hot pink lining. Futuristic and fierce!

I Hate the Internet

2008-10-15T15:06:00.006-04:00

You can find WAY too much information on your exes.

So guess who's on match.com? Mr. Big. Surprise, surprise. Wait, it gets better. His default profile pic? A photo of him, my arm, and a wisp of my hair. My favorite part of his profile is "I value honesty and integrity in people. I want to meet someone who is honest, loyal and can communicate.

Honesty? Integrity? Communication?

Hmmmm....isn't this the same guy who shuts down and can't actually talk about an issue? Isn't this the guy I suspected was cheating on me when his ex-girlfriend when she kept calling late at night. The same girl whose dirty La Perla lingerie I found in his bedroom early in our relationship? Isn't this the same guy who claims he "just wants fun" and isn't interested in a full-blown relationship?

RIDICULOUS!!!!!! How does this guy get all these women and I can't get a date???? How does he successfully dupe everyone? I'm better looking, smarter, more educated, and YOUNGER. WTF?! So unfair.

One Singular Sensation

2008-10-14T19:37:00.012-04:00

My Mom and I went to "A Chorus Line" and it was so much fun! I love the theater. I've actually never seen a show on Broadway, but I've been to the Opera House in Boston a couple times now. I remember getting dressed up in a pink dress to see the Nutcracker at the Wang when I was a little girl. The costumes and the music! So magical!

Beforehand we had dinner at Ivy which my mom and I both loved. Cute bartender AND Cute Waiter were both there so that spiced up my night. Especially since I came straight from the salon with...

....My new bangs!!!! I LOVE IT!! I don't think I've ever been so happy with a haircut. It's so me and yet it's better than I expected or envisioned. Looks very much like this:

I love dressing up and theater is definitely an occasion for something chic. I went with a cut-out back Isaac Mizrahi for Target dress, a satin Nine West bow clutch, and Aldo satin leopard pumps with amber crystals on the bottom:

My new haircut and retro dress were just the boost I need after a long roller-coaster of a relationship. All I can say is that after months of agonizing over my relationship with Mr. Big and feeling unwanted, it was great to walk into a restaurant and turn heads. For the first time in a long time, I finally felt like a sensation.

Lost in Translation

2008-10-14T15:59:00.007-04:00

Despite my fabulous friends, my trip to Montreal, and my kitten, I've still been feeling a little lonely lately and that has made me miss my ex. I know that I'm only missing having someone around, not him specifically. So every time I feel tempted to call/text/e-mail him, I'm going to read one of his last e-mails to me (yes, we pretty much broke up by e-mail after our big fight). At the time, I took the liberty of translating it into Asshole-speak and you know what?

It's still funny to me. Enjoy.

"Dear friends,

As a new break-up-ee, I am trying to find meaning in the situation. Why do I do this? In order to find a level of clarity which will help me avoid making the same mistakes in the future. And because I have a vagina. Today I'm wondering why guys don't simple say what they really mean? It's much better for everyone in the long run. I find that when it comes to breaking up, men are motivated by guilt and want to avoid being 'the bad guy' at all costs. This is why they say what they think we want to hear. As I am currently in my obsessive phase of this break-up, I have taken the liberty of dissecting Mr. Big's final e-mail to me line by line. For those of you who don't speak asshole, let me translate...Enjoy!....

'I just wanted to say I was sorry for our conversation yesterday. I didn’t mean to be so short with you.'
I feel guilty because I acted like a jackass.

'I just think its too soon to be dealing with getting your stuff back to you but if you want it, I can get it to you by Thursday. I'm really busy with midterms and essays.'
I have more important things to do than worry about your stuff, namely watching baseball and playing Nintendo Wii.

'I didn’t get much done this weekend.'
I didn't get much done this weekend because I was watching baseball and playing Wii.

'You were right, I am sad about things.'
You were right, I am sad about things. Wait, how did that happen?! Ahhhhh!! I have FEELINGS! Get them off of me!

'I know you have tried really hard to make things work and I can tell that you are fed up with how things are between us. You always are there for me and I don’t want you to be unhappy.'
I feel guilty that I let you try so hard and I didn't try at all.

'I do appreciate you and I know you really care about me.'
I know you like me more than I like you.

'I wish we could try to figure things out before it gets to this stage of not talking but I'm at a loss as to how to deal when it happens.'
I wish we could figure things out but that sounds like a lot of work...and I don't like work.

'I do miss you and I hope you are ok.'
I hope you don't hate me.

'I'm sure you'll be ok, you are a strong, young buck!'
Hope you find someone else!

'Anyways, I guess we'll talk soon to work out the details of getting your stuff back.'
Anyways, I guess I'll have to talk to you eventually which makes me uncomfortable because subconsciously I know I've been dicking you around for eight months and the guilt is starting to interfere with my Wii time.

Mr. Big"

Good Thing Of The Week

2008-10-08T10:19:00.001-04:00

I haven't spoken to my ex in exactly 30 days. 'Nuff said. :)

Date #4: So Dull I Almost Forgot to Post It

2008-10-03T12:24:00.003-04:00

Went to brunch with the Chef last Sunday. I had pretty much written him off. I mean, he's a nice guy and not entirely bad looking. Plus I'm sure he's hot in the kitchen! But the only time he has ever called me was because he was lost and trying to find my house. Everything is texted and frankly I don't want a man who doesn't think I'm worth getting over his "fear of phones".

So we had a lovely brunch, listened to jazz, joked and laughed, but it was all just lukewarm. As I sat there across the table from him, trying to gauge some hint of flirtation in his voice, I realized that I think he's just lonely. I think he just wants to find some friends.

And that was that. He dropped me off. We did the "we should do this again" dance and I haven't heard from him since.

TGIF!

2008-10-03T12:01:00.004-04:00

Five o'clock can't come soon enough!

Meeting A! after work for shopping and cocktails (hmmm...better do the shopping first). I need a new pair of jeans, some tights, and maybe a fall/winter coat. Wearing an outfit today inspired by Carrie from the SATC Movie:

I'm loving my dark grey Nine West shortie driving gloves that I picked up on clearance at the end of last season. Swapped the knee socks for opaque black tights and pair them with black patent ankle booties. Cozy yet fierce!

In other exciting news, I'm going to see "A Chorus Line" with my mom tomorrow night and might keep my eyes open for a new dress. Something different. Preferably something a little more tailored than I have right now (I'm getting REALLY sick of sack dresses). I love this dress from H&M but haven't see it in stores yet:

Confessions of a Cable-a-holic

2008-10-01T23:17:00.017-04:00

It's been a slow week. How would I sum it up?

We finally got cable. I have been enjoying hours and hours of mindless dribble. I find that I am suddenly draw to shows that previously nauseated me...shows like "Lipstick Jungle" and "The Rachael Zoe Project". My brain cells might be dying, but at least they are sashaying towards the white light!

To be honest? I feel like a slug. I'm so tired when I come home (no, work has NOT been that crazy). Not sure why. Post-OCPs hormonal lethargy? Who knows.

So the other night I watched "Bridget Jones' Diary". I forgot how hilarious it was! Or maybe it was just that I couldn't appreciate it because I had a boyfriend when it came out (hmmmmm). The opening scene of "Bridget Jones" shows Bridge drowning her sorrows in a bottle of wine, watching shitty tv, and lip-syncing to "All By Myself". As I pulled the glass of shiraz away from my lips, I suddenly and not so enthusiastically realized that I have become the cliched single girl:

1) I now have a cat. Do I really need to elaborate? In my defense, she is a kitten which I'm hoping resonates more as "cute and flirty" as opposed to "single and desperate" but let's face it...we're all cleaning out litter boxes.

2) I've taken to drinking mucho vino by myself. Clearly if my friends really supported me, we'd all be at the bar, buzzed on a Wednesday. Kidding! I wouldn't wish this on their livers.

3) I have a newfound penchant for sappiness in all its forms. Power ballads? Check. Sappy chick flicks? Check. Rocking out in my car to "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner when I thought no one was looking? Double check.

On the plus side, I haven't spoken to/texted/e-mailed/smoke-signaled Mr. Big in 23 days. That's almost a month! I feel an enormous sense of growth in the sense that I recognized the 'final straw', drew my emotional boundry, and have been sticking to it. To be honest? I barely think about him. How sad is that? How could I spend a year of my life with a man and not think about him at least on a daily basis? (insert "duh, you obviously weren't as into him as you thought" comment here.) That being said, a guy got into the elevator with me the other day. He reminded me sooo much of Mr. Big that I almost burst out crying before I reached my cubicle.

Anyhoo, it's up and down but if I had to pick a winner?....it'd be up. Up enough that I'm not hung up on Mr. Big anymore but not up enough that I'm gung-ho on love. Hmmm...maybe while I'm on a Renee Zellweger kick (who I actually don't care for all that much; something about the pinched face), I should rent "Down With Love". If it doesn't boost my confidence in love, at least I'll get to ogle Ewen McGregor for 2 hours.

I do have a lot going on this weekend: a friend's birthday (another?) at District Lounge on Friday, haircut on Saturday (bangs!!!!!!), then going to see "A Chorus Line" at the Opera House with my mom! Can't wait! Oh yeah....we're going to Ivy for dinner first. Hmmmm, wonder if the cute new waiter will be working. Ugh! He is even cuter than Cute Bartender! Tall, built, with brown hair flecked with silver. He's definitely not as old as Mr. Big (hey I like salt and pepper hair!). Probably a starving actor or something. Anyway, I think Ivy must have a you-must-be-this-hot-to-work-here rule because I have never seen such a collection of such attractive staff in such an unpretentious establishment. Anyway, Hot Waiter as he's now called was very friendly and introduced himself after we had been checking each other out. I'd smile at him as he ran food to his tables. He'd sneak smiles at me while he reached behind the bar for extra glasses. Cute bartender teased that he's gay, but he might have been jealous hahaha. Either, way...

...a fierce outfit is DEFINIELY in order for Saturday night.

Take Out Night

2008-10-01T20:00:00.005-04:00

My fortune cookie pretty much summed it up:

"The desire of love is to give.
The desire of lust is to get."

Hmm...wonder how many guys (and girls) out there know the difference?

Get aHEAD

2008-09-26T10:39:00.008-04:00

I love HATS. Actually, I love headwear in general. I'm not talking ski caps, here folks. I'm talking bona fide, fashiony statement pieces! Many magazines are touting this season as the season of the "statement necklace" but I think it's all about the headgear.

I love this jaunty little black feathered hat from Forever21. Think I might pair it with a black flapper inspired drop-waist black dress with jet beading at the neckline. Or if that's too costumey, then wear it with a flirty 50s-style printed dress or skirt. We'll see...

I cannot tell you how in love I am with this look:

I have a wine-colored floppy felt hat JUST LIKE THIS ONE!!! I've had it for a few years and try to break it out every fall. But then I chicken out because it is a bold statement. Anyway, I love the way it looks with the models coloring and hair and I especially love the vibrant pink lipstick (not gloss people, time to grow up) which is such an unexpected color combo but somehow it all works. And it juuuuusttt so happens that over the summer I bought my first NARS lipstick in Schiap which is a rich hot pink:

Feel free to strut along with me when you see me rockin' this look downtown. HAHAHA. I'm really loving that hot pink right now. Maybe it's a throw back to my days as a kid in the 80s when I rocked a fierce pair of hot pink lycra leggings? Anyway, I love bright pink as an accent for more subdued colors like grey or navy:

It's all about the unexpected. Think pink!

Random Thought Of The Day

2008-09-24T22:52:00.004-04:00

So there's this little old Indian dude who works the booth at the Quincy Adams T Stop garage where I park every day. He always smiles. When I come out late from the city like tonight (after drinks and dinner with A!) he always asks me the same thing:

Old Indian Guy: Oh, you work late tonight?
me: No, just out with friends
Old Indian Guy: So, you have boyfriend?

I used to think he was kinda hitting on me and I'd laugh uncomfortably. But then tonight I realized that after months of the same question, he was asking it more in the concerned fatherly way...wanting to make sure I have a man to take care of me or something. Weird. Nice to know that total strangers are equally as invested in my love life as I am!

The Bride Game

2008-09-23T15:01:00.009-04:00

Letting go of your dreams is hard. I'm trying to come to terms with the idea that I may never get married. Don't get me wrong...I certainly hope to and I'm not trying to be overly dramatic. It's just that you can plan your education, you can plan your career but when it comes to love, it just might not be up to you.

Some dreams aren't so hard to let go -- winning the lottery, sitting front row at Fashion Week, or sailing the Mediterranean in my own private yacht -- because you never really think they might come true in the first place. But the dreams you grew up thinking would be part of your reality? Much harder to alter or give up on all together.

The other thing I'm trying to adjust my expectations about is my wedding, if I ever have one. I grew up with the traditional wedding idea in my head: the big white dress, the band playing our song, flowers as far as the eye can see...and my parents footing the bill.

Now that I'm in my late 20s, I'm realizing that there may be an expiration date on Daddy's checkbook. It's safe to say that I will not be walking down the aisle in my 20s. If I were to marry in my 30s or beyond, should I still expect my parents to pay? Weddings these days are crazy expensive sometimes costing $30,000 and more! Shouldn't my parents be buying themselves a cottage on the Cape or something? I mean, can I really as an adult expect their generosity to know no limits? Looks like my dream wedding will look more like whatever my future husband and I can afford on our middle-of-the-road salaries. Elopement, anyone?

Whether it's your co-workers chattering every day about how stressed out they are from arranging seating charts or DeBeers commercials insinuating that if I guy really loved you then you too would be worth two months salary, there is so much pressure from society to be coupled up. I'm starting to understand why single women in their 30s, 40s and beyond start to feel like a dying breed. When I was about 8 years old, my mom picked up this vintage board game at a yard sale called the "Bride Game" (Copyright 1971). My younger neighbor and I used to play it ALL the time.

How do you win the Bride Game? Easy...

Get to the altar first.

She Bangs!

2008-09-23T13:27:00.003-04:00

Pics to inspire my new cut...

Recommended Listening

2008-09-23T10:49:00.013-04:00

I am all about the mood music! Here are a few songs that I've been groovin' to lately:

The Struttin' Song:
"Work That" by Mary J. Blige

Filled with uplifting lyrics that inspire confidence and dignity.
Wasn't afraid to change cuz it was good for me. Listen to while walking around the city. Strut. Repeat as needed.

The Unrequited Love Song:
"I Don't Stand A Ghost of a Chance" by Diana Krall

This one will make you wanna slit your wrists.

The Triumphant Break-Up Song:
"Irreplacable" by Beyonce

Kick 'em to the curb! Don't settle! Since I'm not your everything, how about I'll be nothing. But please please please do not listen to "I Will Survive". It's the very definition of cliche!

The Crying-Into-A-Pint-Of-Ben&Jerry's Break-Up Song:
"I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" by Colin Hay

Speaks for itself.

The Saturday Night Party Song:
"Calabria" by Enur

Great groove. I cannot listen to this track without dancing. Yes, that includes on the Red Line during my morning commute.

The Cheer-You-Up-Every-Time Song:
"It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls

This makes me smile even if I'm in the foulest of moods. Silly and over the top! Sure, it conjures up images of shirtless, oiled-up gay men dancing the night away in some downtown NYC club but it also has some of the most comforting lyrics about how there's someone out there for everyone:

God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy

The Super-Romantic-Antidote-To-Cynicism Song:
"Try A Little Tenderness" by Michael Buble

Old-school romance. Pretty much sums up how I'd like a man to treat me. Cue the moonlight and break out the tissues for this one. Or just listen to the Otis Redding version and dance around like Duckie in a record store!

The Week in Review

2008-09-22T16:32:00.014-04:00

Well, I've had a very busy and eventful last week! Where to start...Well, it was a week full of drinking and flirting:

Monday

Could I really resist a glass of wine and chit-chat with Cute Bartender at Ivy after a long Monday? I think not. I know...I'm bad. Although not very forthcoming with his hardware, he is still very cute and flirty and honestly, I can't get him out of my head. I figure there's no harm in friendly chit-chat from time to time, right? Not to mention that I saw an even CUTER new waiter there! We kept catching each others' eye and smiling. He came over and introduced himself. He and Mr. Big share the same first name so that was kind of a mind-fuck. He was obviously busy waiting tables so we only chatted for a sec. Hope he asks me out!

Tuesday

Date #3: Blind Date

My blind date was pretty anti-climactic. It was actually really nice. We had a few beers over in Beacon Hill. Blind Date was fun, talkative, and genuine...everything you wish all the other assholes out there would be! I just wasn't attracted to him. He's a little short for me. True to his description, he has sandy blonde hair but definitely doesn't conjurn up images of Matt Damon. Oh well. Maybe we'll join forces. Who knows? I have single girlfriends...he has single guy friends...

This week I also spent a lot of time contacting old flames just for the hell of it. Heh, I'm bored and want to flirt, ok? So I'm dredging up the past...so sue me!

Wednesday

I've decided that scotch, opera, and bad gaydar make for an interesting Wednesday night. Allow me to explain...

ABarr, The Republican, and I went to a free Macallan scotch tasting (my favorite brand) in Back Bay. It was excellent! REALLY classy atmosphere, generous pours of all their vintages, and tons of cute men!!! Ladies. If you are not already into scotch, I highly recommend trying it for both it's own deliciousness and the deliciousness of the men you will meet while imbibing.

Of all the eligible bachelors there, I couldn't help but settled my sights on the one working the event. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a tall, cute guy with a great smile.

We introduced ourselves and quickly learned (as if he couldn't get any more appealing) that he was, in fact, an opera singer and did scotch promotion as a side gig. Sigh. Cute AND talented? Be still my heart...

Since ABarr and the Republican are both music teachers, and myself an avocational pianist, we all hit it off with the Opera Singer and I swear he kept sneaking glances/smiles at me throughout the scotch presentation.

Afterwards we went to Jury's to have a bite to eat and of course we invited our new musical friend. OMG when we got to Jury's we met one of his co-workers (he recognized us from the tasting) and he was the CRAZIEST MOFO I'VE EVER MET!!! Really, short but very muscular and with longish blonde hair. This guy was the poor man's Fabio!! He was totally flamboyant, claimed he was a soap star on "One Life To Live" and that he's also worked as a toxicologist at the CDC! Um...I don't think this guy could even SPELL toxicologist. He was super-over-the-top, trying to kiss ABarr, lying in my lap eating french fries, and spinning tall tales.

Then the Opera Singer showed up and dare I say...my heart skipped a beat. Yes! But the thrill was short-lived because he only stayed for a few minutes before taking off for decidedly saner company. He gave us his card and as he exited stage left, Crazy Toxicology Soap Star leans and whispers to me,

"You know he's gay, right?"

All three of us did the "Whaaaaaaat?" look! I mean he's an opera singer and all, but they're not all gay and he was definitely flirting and giving off "straight" vibes. WTF?! But then again this comment came from a very gay man who claimed to be straight. I might have to stop by Jacques so that my gaydar can be recalibrated.

Thursday

Update: Remember cute guy in the elevator? Well, I spotted him leaving my building on Thursday. He headed into the Starbucks next door and I suddenly had a craving for ice coffee (hehehehe). As if fate herself had smiled upon me, he dropped his change by my feet while paying at the register. We introduced ourselves and exchanged a pleasantry or two but then he high-tailed it. He was kind of sullen and not that friendly. I kinda got a g/f vibe. But still! You can be friendly to a colleague!

Later on, Little C and I went to B-Side for cocktails and baked gouda. It was pretty slow but I definitely enojoyed my Beehive.

Friday

If there was any doubt that I am in dire need of making out with someone, I think that got cleared up at Saint on Friday night. This entry should be titled "Stupidity at Saint".

Went out for Miss A's birthday and had a BLAST! I looked good, I felt good, and the drinks were flowin'. Now let me preface this my saying that I have never been the type to make out with a random stranger in a bar. Apparently, I got over that because I remember kissing at least 2 people that night. Hey, at least my dress was classy, I kept all my clothes on and at no point danced on a tabletop.

Saturday

Spent recovering from the previous night. I had brunch (including a nice, tall Bloody Mary to nurse my hangover) at the Pourhouse. Then I walked around a little because it was so beautiful out. Later that night, I went out for another friend's birthday but we kept it casual and drank beers downtown at Patty O's.

Sunday

Ahh, Sunday. A day of rest...for my liver. Cleaned out one of my closets! Woo-hoo!

So here I am, reflecting as I sip coffee on Monday, pondering my weekend drunken debauchery and wondering:

How old do I think I am?!

FYE: Whose Got Big Balls?

2008-09-14T12:13:00.001-04:00

Friday night at FELT. My friend Miss A and I are contemplating getting a pool table.

Miss A: How do you get a table around here?
me: Don’t know. Guess we have to wait ‘til someone finishes their game.
Miss A: (to cute guy at pool table) Excuse me, after you’re done with your balls, can I play with them?

Aaaaaaaand.....Scene!

Expand Your Vocabulary

2008-09-11T13:23:00.008-04:00

So I have this neighbor. He's hot. He also spends most of his time with his shirt off working in his yard. I know, very Desperate Housewives, right? Not the brightest bulb, and a little too short for me, but obviously spends just as much time at the gym as he does manicuring his lawn and he certainly brightens up my dull neighborhood.

Little C is still staying at my place and when I asked her (via im) what she was going to do for the afternoon, she said:

Little C: come back, and if Hot Neighbor is not outside, sit outside and read
me: you mean if Hot Neighbor IS outside

Little C: no i dont want to see him as i try to read my existential novel

me: but his pecs are so existential!

Little C: pexistential! haha

me: lol

me: what will this new word mean? pecs that are so amazing, you reach nirvana by just looking at them?

Little C: no, i think it means that everything is pointless- existence, god, life- everything, of course, except pecs!

And there you have it.

pex·is·ten·tial [peg-zi-sten-shuhl
–adjective

1.	pertaining to pecs.

2.	transcending existence to the extent that everything is pointless except great pecs

Going Up?

2008-09-11T10:34:00.004-04:00

I saw the CUTEST guy on the elevator as I was coming into work! (Which is small miracle because I work with almost all women) Tall, slim, cute face, a few years older than me, brown hair, kind hipster with his Converse sneakers. We definitely noticed each other. Made sure to note his floor. Why didn't he say something! I almost asked if he was new. Damnit! Why don't we have to wear name tags. I hope he works here. Would it be too crazy psycho to do a recon misison on the 5th floor at some point to find out more? Man, I wish I didn't look like crap today!

Get Gorgeous, Pay Less

2008-09-11T10:12:00.003-04:00

Given these tough economic times, it's hard to reconcile all those manicures, blow-outs, and eyebrow waxes with a dwindling bank account. Here are some tips on looking good on a budget (taken from an article in the Globe today: http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/fashion/articles/2008/09/11/looking_good_means_getting_creative/).

1. Be honest about your budget with your hair salon and decide on color and maintenance beforehand.
2. Get "accent" highlights in between partial or full foil highlights. (I do this - long hair gets REALLY expensive to color)
3. Try polish changes every other week instead of full manicures or pedicures. (I do this too!)
4. Ask your salon about training days when you can often get reduced prices on haircuts and color.
5. Book an appointment with the junior stylist on staff.
6. Try skincare regimens at home.
7. Choose spot massages, where one part of the body is focused on. (Hmmm...gotta look into this for my neck)
8. Take advantage of promotions and customer-loyalty programs.
9. Request free samples from the makeup counters.
10. Reward yourself with mini-splurges from time to time.
11. I'd also like to add getting a "wet cut" where the stylist doesn't do a blow-out. It can save you about $25-$35 and unless you're going out right afterwards, really...who cares?

The Final Straw is So...Final

2008-09-09T16:53:00.011-04:00

Last night was awful. It had been a couple weeks since I last saw Mr. Big so I figured one innocent drink after work couldn't be that bad. I wasn't pining after him, I wasn't depressed or in mourning over our failed relationship. I was doing great and movin' on so what would be wrong with a friendly meet-up?

Things started out fine at Red Sky where we got a couple of drinks and appetizers but before you know it we got on the topic of us. I was definitely harboring a little pent-up anger. He tried to push my buttons as usual. Before long we were throwing subtle jabs at each other. In an effort to keep the mood light, playful, and funny, I told Big about being set up on a blind date. He countered with "Hmmm...I wonder if this guy likes chocolate covered pretzels? Good thing you make great chili too..."

Holy shit he read my match.com profile! And was now making fun of it to my face. It's hard enough trying to get yourself back into the dating pool. It's harder to sum yourself up in one page and snag a date. I had put myself out there in the most vulnerable of ways and now Mr. Big was mocking me.

I tried to shrug it off but there they were...tears started to well up in my eyes. He had hit and hit hard. And it stung.

He tried to apologize once he realized he'd crossed the line, but it was too late. I retreated to the bathroom where I tried to control my sobbing. Then I paid the tab and told Mr. Big that I was going to meet up with a friend. Then I walked out of the restaurant to hail a cab, with Mr. Big trailing behind me yelling "are you serious?".

Of course I was serious. I'd never been more serious in my life. So when he called after me, I wish I had gotten in that cab immediately.

But I hesitated.

I've gone over this in my mind a million times and I think the reason that I stopped wasn't that I really thought things would change -- that he would suddenly realize what he was losing, profess his love for me, and beg me back -- it was that I was afraid he would forever think of me as a bitch who walked away from him. And that made me wonder...

Why should I care?

I mean, really...Why does anyone care what their ex thinks of them? True no one likes to know that bad things are being said about them. No one wants enemies. But is that the whole story?

Maybe it's that we want to believe that we're still datable. That even though things didn't work out, this person chose to date you because they saw something special in you and those reasons are still valid. And even though they know all your most intimate flaws, you still want them to have a positive (and fair) impression of you. I'll never be up on Mr. Big's pedestal again. But I'm far from a bitch.

I should have known he had nothing to say, except to try to calm me down so that he could walk away without being the "bad guy". By not walking away first, I gave him the upper hand which is something I regret. I let him get to me for the last time and I realize now that I can't have any contact whatsoever with Mr. Big. No phone calls. No e-mails. No trying to be friends. It's over.

It's over.

DIY: Reupholster a Bench

2008-09-09T10:20:00.013-04:00

I am on a home improvement kick. I like to walk around my place and make mental lists of what I will fix/alter/paint/jazz up. Then I stuff that list in a drawer and never get around to it. Somehow the imagining is so much better than the actual result.

Anywho, I am determined to actually follow-through on something so onto my first project: recovering a chair/bench thing that goes to my vanity. The vanity and the matching bench are nice, dark wood. The vanity has cool crystal knobs and decorative legs. Very vintage. The fabric on the bench is also very very vintage (as in ragged). Here's what you will need:

hammer
pliers
screwdriver (flathead or Phillips-head depending on the type of screw)
batting
staple gun
enough fabric to cover the seat plus a few inches each way (use a sturdy fabric)

Now for the before picture:

Not exactly the chic vintage look I'm going for.

Start by removing all fabric, batting, nails etc. and detach seat. You can reuse the piece of wood underneath if it's in good condition or, if you're like me, you can leave the wood outside accidentally in the rain, warping it beyond repair and then trek to Home Depot for a replacement piece.

Next fold/cut batting so it covers the seat (use several layers). Using a staple gun, staple batting in place around the edge so it doesn't shift while you use the bench. Position fabric over fabric, flip over and staple fabric to the underside of the board, making sure to pull it taut. You might have to get a little creative folding the corners kinda like a present.

Place fabric covered seat upside down on tabletop with bench upside down on top of that. Tighten screws through bench and into fabric until they catch into the plywood seat. Voila! Looks pretty damn good if I say so myself:

(Close-up of fabric.)

Looks like a new bench! And it's custom made and it was a cheap project -- $4.99 for batting, $4.48 for the wood, vintage fabric from my mom's stash and $10.49 for a staple gun (which I'll use for other projects). Now my ass is that much happier when I'm putting on my makeup!

Color Me Rad

2008-09-08T13:45:00.007-04:00

Here are some of my new favorite color combos (yes, I used Polyvore because apparently I'm a 15-year-old Japanese girl):

magenta top + chocolate brown skirt + gold accents

red dress + wine-colored patent pumps + wine-colored patent bag

lavender/grey top + white jeans + silver sandals + wine-colored patent bag

Oh, Hue!

2008-09-08T13:40:00.005-04:00

Is there any better way to usher in the fall season that with a new nail color? I think not!

Yesterday, Little C and I took our calloused dog-feet over to Quincy for some looooong overdue manis and pedis. It took me about 0.2 seconds to settle on OPI's Siberian Nights, a dark, inky purple:

Little C made fun of me the rest of the day for being "goth". Whatevs. I love it! So dark and shiny.

Other picks for fall nail colors?

What's Up Doc?

2008-09-08T13:38:00.006-04:00

Ok, Good Thing of the Week (well, last week).

I hate finding a new doctor. I hate the hassle, the phone calls, the confusion. Why is it so hard to find one that's accepting new patients? Hell, it's hard enough being rejected by guys. But getting rejected by a doctor?

I finally found one in Quincy, made an appointment, and prepared to be ignored, rushed, and treated like cattle. But it was great! My new doctor is awesome! She really listened and helped me out a lot with referalls/appointments/etc.

So to all of you putting off getting a doctor like I did...just do it. Because feeling fabulous starts with feeling healthy!

Pimp My Daughter

2008-09-08T13:17:00.002-04:00

I have been set up on a blind date by an 85-year-old woman.

How, might you ask, does this happen in modern day America? Well, I’ll tell you how…When your Mom gives out your cell and e-mail to your Auntie’s 85-year-old cousin Gertrude whose friend has a son about your age and (get this) he’s single. Man, those old birds sure do love to talk!

A few months ago I scolded my mom for giving out my digits but figured there was no harm done since the guy never got in touch with me. (That poor guy is probably just as annoyed that he’s being pimped out!) Well, guess what? He e-mailed me over the weekend.

A few months ago I was deep in Mr. Big Dysfunctionland so the thought of going on a blind date didn’t interest me. But now? What do I have to lose?? LOL

Soooooo, now you’re wondering what this guy’s stats are? He’s a 30-year-old accountant living in Arlington. Apparently he’s been MIA because he’s been serving as a juror on a Grand Jury (does his civic duty, that’s nice). His e-mail was pleasant, upbeat, and full of questions/info. He also used exclamation points excessively…like every sentence. That was weird.

According to Gertrude he “looks like Matt Damon” but given that that’s coming from a woman who could be Matt Damon’s grandmother, I’m just gonna go with he’s white, he’s blonde, and he’s got all his teeth. Let’s not get our hopes up too much.

So there it is. I’ll e-mail him back today and set up the dreaded Blind Date.

Stay tuned.

Wanna hear the weirdest thing? MSN ran this article on blind dates on their homepage today:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=9708244&GT1=32023

An Ode To Marshall's

2008-09-06T08:37:00.015-04:00

Ahhh, Marshall's! Is there any designer shoe bargain you can't offer me?

I popped into the Downtown Crossing store (which usually pales in comparison to the one in Braintree) to pick up a pair of clearance shoes I saw the other day. I made sure to go early to beat the noon rush and that's when I saw them:

COACH MAZUR BOOTS IN BROWN

OMG it was love at first sight! I grabbed the only pair in my size and hung on for dear life. I think I may have elbowed a women with a stroller. I actually own very few pairs of knee-high boots. I can't seem to be able to find many pairs that are 1) tall enough for me so they actually go to the knee and 2) wide enough in the calf (hey, taller girls have bigger calves!).

Anyway, these boots are wicked tall over-the-knee chocolate brown suede with real fur trim (sorry vegans) and gold buckles. The very definition of glam!! I still spent too much on them and pretty much blew my entire wardrobe budget for fall, but the value...the VALUE. These boots came out last season and retailed for $698. I got them for $299! Now I know that's still outrageous and there are starving children in the world, but like I said, I can never find boots that fit me and I have yet to splurge on myself since getting a new job out of grad school. How's that for over-justification?

I was lucky enough to score ANOTHER pair of Coach boots at the end of last season:

COACH LUCI BOOTS IN BEIGE

So luxe! They look great with skinny jeans tucked in. Now I have one dressy pair and one sporty pair. Apparently, I'm the walking poster child for Coach footwear.

Back to the shoes I went in for. Did I mention they are Beverly Feldman (she's had designs featured in SATC)? Did I mention I they originally retail for $215?

Did I also mention I got them for $10?!!!!

BEVERLY FELDMAN "MIDNIGHT"

I know you might be tempted to associate glittery plastic heels with the girls dancing down at Glass Slipper but I assure you -- these are soooooooo cute on! The plastic practically disappears, leaving your feet covered in rhinestones. The extra little surprise to this shoe? On the bottom is a gold fairy design that says "The Shoe Fairy Says: Dress Up and Go Out". Love it! Like I really needed an excuse...

Finally, (does it get any better?) a quiet bargain that I acquired a couple of weeks ago with A!

Nine West Mattino shoes orginally $93. I got them for $15.

Funky, chunky and the perfect compliment to wide-leg pants or a short "sack" dress. Plus they make me like 6' tall!

My feet are in heaven.

Bringing Sexy Back

2008-09-04T10:48:00.015-04:00

I finally stepped on my scale today.

I'd been flirting with the idea for a few days now. The last time I stepped on it was probably 6 months ago. (Damn whoever replaced the batteries!)

Needless to say, I did not enjoy the number I saw. Now I have never been a skinny person. I have always had bigger thighs/hips/butt than many girls on the street. But this is getting ridiculous.

I have gained 30 pounds in 3 years.

No, that wasn't a typo. Thirty pounds. It's amazing I don't look fatter. Where IS it all??? Oh wait, I'm sitting on it. Being almost 5'9" definitely allows me to "hide" weight better than shorter women but even I've noticed big (no pun intended) differences lately:

I have "sized" myself out of clothes a couple times now. Before you know it a size 10 is a size 12 and then a 14.

While looking for a pair of jeans to wear on my date last week, I realized that I have no jeans that fit me. My favorite pair of (bigger size) Lucky's?? The seam on the inner thigh busted open a couple of weeks ago.

I'm sizing myself out of some of my favorite stores - Express, Limited, Banana Republic. Damnit! I want to wear those clothes!

My underwear doesn't fit anymore. Wedgies are occurring with more severity and frequency than ever before!

How does one gain this amount in such a relatively short time? Allow me to explain...

Grad school
Sloth (a.k.a. I don't like to exercise)
Dating
Dating a guy who likes to go out to eat a lot
Regular happy hours both at home and out on the town

Now I am a firm believer that you can be sexy at any size. Hell, I don't need faith in it...I've seen it with my own eyes! I have definitely encountered plenty of women who are not a size 2 and yet exude sex appeal and sensuality. And I usually feel this way about myself but I haven't lately. I'm determined to take sexy back!

Luckily, Little C is a dietician so this morning I practically attacker her as soon as her eyes were open to ask her advice. She came up with 3 "Action Points" for me (oooh! sounds so official):

Start using that damn gym membership that I've been paying for. I will go on Monday after work. Over the weekend I will go for 2 walks.

Limit happy hour at home. No more drinking half a bottle of wine in one sitting. Save cocktails for going out with friends.

Healthy lunches at work. Salads, sandwiches with nothing crazy on it, and fruit. Thank god my building doesn't have a vending machine.

I realize that losing all (or even some) of the weight I've put on in the past few years will take a long time. I figure that when I reach milestones like losing 10 pounds, I will reward myself with a fabulous new outfit. Besides, what's the point in buying more clothes in what will soon be by old size?!

Update: Didn't go to the gym but did some walking/errand running over the weekend (hey, it counts). I also went grocery shopping for healthy stuff. Oh, and I got a mild case of food poisoning which is apparently a great way to kick-off weight loss! hahaha

A Tale of Two Retailers

2008-09-03T12:04:00.009-04:00

So I'm at the SSP a couple of weeks ago when I spot my absolute dream travel bag:

The Betsey Johnson "Mile High" Weekender

How cute??? It also comes in black and apparently hot pink (thanks ebay) but I REALLY want it in white with gold sequins and trim. Can't you just see stepping off a plane with white jeans, heels and a cashmere sweater thrown over your shoulders? I think this bag would look especially good in Vegas, Miami, or dare I say London! (I'll be there next summer for a friend's wedding.)

Given my passion for this bag, you can imagine my dismay when I walked by Wilson Leather this past weekend and

it was CLOSED! Nooooooooooooooooo!

As in closed abruptly and will not be opened again ever! I know retail has been having a bad year, but that's it? No liquidation sale where I can get the bag of my dreams for 90% off? It's too bad...Wilson Leather had really revamped their image this year from a men's leather goods store to a women's handbag store. They had lots of cute Nine West, Guess, and Kathy van Zeeland bags plus great Calvin Klein dresses and jackets. It was fast becoming a regular stop of mine. I might have to call corporate headquarters to get to the bottom of this!

In other nose-diving retail news, Linens N' Things has had a rough year and closed many stores. Which is too bad because I'm redoing my bedroom and had my heart set on this ecofriendly Pure Green Sanctuary duvet in Sky:
They seem to only have twin sizes available online so I'll try to track this down in store.

At least Nine West seems to be weathering the recession well. I love their fall line and, of course, their sales! It took all my will-power not to walk out of the store with their Eden style on sale for $59.99:

I'm sure these are in my near future. They would be perfect with a floaty little black dress for a Christmas Party!

Update: All mall-based Wilson Leathers are now closed but the outlets (like the one in Wrentham) are still open. They believe they'll be getting Betsey Johnson stuff in sometime this fall, so I'll keep me eyes out. Linens N' Things has restocked so I found my queen size bedding online and in store. Nine West's Eden shoes were on sale for even less, but seem to be sold out online! No!!! Total non-buyer's regret!

Updated Update: Victory is mine! I got the glittery Eden flats online for even less and found the white tote version of the Betsey Johnson bag at Marshall's!

DIY: Fend Off Intruders

2008-09-02T16:15:00.003-04:00

Living alone is tough. Living with family is tougher. I currently share a house with my two younger brothers which means I get neither the comfort and support of living with roommates nor the total freedom of living alone. Instead, I live somewhere in the ridiculously annoying middle, where I can’t walk around naked AND I have to change a fuse all by myself.

The other night I woke up around 4 am convinced that there was an intruder downstairs in my house. I swear I kept hearing noises! Granted, one of my brothers was asleep in the next room but I wouldn’t count on him for protection in a pinch. I would probably wind up defending him with a baseball bat while he screamed like a girl.

In the case of potential attack I recommend one of the following:

sleep with a baseball bat (kind of uncomfortable)
dial 9-1 waiting paralyzed in fear, ears strained listening for noises, then accidentally dial the second 1 and apologize profusely to the dispatcher that you’re a total spaz
send your 13-week old kitten down the stairs as a sort of “canary in a mine” to be slashed by a homicidal maniac, giving you enough time to get out of the house alive

I opted for the latter. Luckily she plodded up the stairs a few minutes later, unharmed and looking at me in disgust. Oh the shame.

FYE: Bad Date Blog

2008-09-02T10:28:00.005-04:00

Just found this great blog about bad dating stories! Check out this article on dealbreakers. While I don't agree with everything, the whole list is pretty funny:

http://www.15minutedate.com/blog/2008/02/08/the-dealbreaker/#more-113

Hmmm...let's see how these DB's apply to say, my ex Mr. Big:

lied about his age
doesn't have any friends
while doesn't actually have a "Baby Momma", would jokingly refer to me as his (not funny)
would make the occasional untoward comment on other people's race, religion, and sexual orientation
often talked of his ex-wife and always in terms of "what she got" in the settlement
not nice to his mother
his friends (the 2 he had) are divorced jerks who need therapy

Wow. Are we really surprised this guy isn't still around?

Ok, now let's do the Chef!...

lives with parents (A little trickier. He actually lives in some apartment/separate living quarters and rarely even sees said parents. I live with my 2 brothers so I can't be that critical)
He doesn’t tell you that you look nice when you do…or doesn’t bother to lie when you don’t
He’s about to turn 30 but hasn’t had a real, live girlfriend since High School (ok, will be 33 but still has VERY limited experience with dating)
He texts you (or e-mails you, or im’s you) to ask you out instead of calling you

Doesn't seem like he'll make the cut either!

Marina Bay Nonsense, Dining a Deux

2008-09-02T09:57:00.019-04:00

Well, it's officially September. I can't believe how fast the summer has gone by.

I had a lazy Labor Day weekend and I loved every minute of it! Took Friday off and slept laaaate. That night, Little C and I went to Waterclub in Quincy. Holy halter-top! That place is a slutty meat market! We were just settling in to our first beer when two cheesy guys approached us.

They had come from Texas for a few days to play on an amateur Irish football team (apparently it's like rugby). One guy was from Ireland and spent the evening chatting up Little C. At the end of the night they exchanged numbers and she got an invitation to the Sheraton Hotel (which thankfully, she declined). I on the other hand got stuck with American who although tall, blonde, and decent looking, was dumb as a rock and seemed like he was high. Can't win 'em all. But I'd definitely go back!

Speaking of Marina Bay, I wound up there again on Sunday night at Marina Bay Beach Club with N** and friends. So much fun! I wore a cute white chiffon strapless top with tropical pink and turquoise flowers on it, a black pencil skirt, white stiletto mules, and giant aqua earrings. All in all it was fun but uneventful. Note to self: dancing on sand in stilettos is rather difficult...especially when drunk on vodka/cranberry.

Over the weekend I also had my second date with the Chef. It was...

(drumroll please)

...ok.

I'm just not feeling a spark you know? He's very nice and took me out to a lovely dinner at an Inn-like restaurant in Hingham. He ordered us oysters and champagne to start which piqued my interest. Hmm...this guy knows what he's doing and we'll have that great flirty banter that makes your stomach flip. But the night just kind of stalled.

Don't get me wrong, all-in-all it was a very pleasant evening. But it was just that...pleasant. He seeemed like he was just really enjoying talking to someone. He definitely wasn't trying to woo me or anything. He did most of the talking but not in an arrogant way.

Anyway, I can see us being friends but we don't seem to be mutually into each other in a romantic way which is fine since this is a stupid match.com date! Actually it could be a hell of a lot worse. Maybe that would make for a better story...

I'm in a great mood and intend to keep that vacation attitude going for as long as I can. I'm in such a great mood that when a model-like Amazon woman with perfect blonde hair and size two hips sat across me on the train this morning, it didn't phase me in the least. You know why? Because I finished the crossword puzzle in record time. Take that!

I would also like to congratulate myself on not seeing or talking to my ex over the 4-day weekend. There were times when I missed him terribly but as we have all deduced from my personal dating circus, nothing good ever comes from contacting him. That being said, I was not perfect which begs the question:

If a drunken "I miss you" text goes unanswered, was it ever really sent?

Very zen.

Waaaaaaaahhhhh

2008-08-28T16:25:00.005-04:00

I'm really sorry I don't have good news. I just seem to be bitching and whining but this week is really sucking.

I think my ex is developing an anger problem.

Tuesday night he came over for dinner (he's on vacation so he beat me to my house). After I get home from work I need about 10 minutes to be by myself and unwind from a particularly stressful day. He of course didn't give me this. I was rooting around my kitchen looking for a serving platter I placed on the counter a little too forcefully. His response was to flip out, call me a f*ing bitch and then threaten to leave. Really? All because I put a platter down too hard which actually had nothing to do with you and everything to do with my stressful day? I called his bluff and he stayed.

Wednesday night we had dinner and listened to some live music outside at the Boston Harbor Hotel. As we were walking to the T, he told me about a potential job lead, blah blah blah. I had the worst wedgie! hahahaha So as he was talking a quickly looked behind me to see if anyone was coming. There was a jogger behind us so I waited to pick said wedgie until the jogger had passed. Then my ex flipped out and said "you're not even paying attention to me!"
"Yes, I am. You said that so-and-so is gonna call you about the potential job at Company X" I even told him about the wedgie and my momentary glance but he didn't care. He literally pouted as we waited for trains on opposite sides of the platform.

Today he's graduating from Northeastern at 7:30pm. I planned to get a drink with my co-workers from 5:00-6:00pm, take the train from 6:00-6:30pm and be there an hour in advance of the ceremony to meet up with his friends, get a seat, etc. He didn't like that idea, yelled at me over the phone that I'm stressing him out and then hung up on me.

He is a baby. No wonder he likes my tits so much.

I will fulfill my duty tonight because I promised to go and it's important to him, but after that I don't really have a desire to see him. Not for a WHILE.

From these childish antics, I have learned the following:

I have too many dinners with my ex
He is a diva and needs too much attention
He has a short fuse and hangs out with other men with short fuses
He is unfair

It's not fun getting yelled at or have nasty things said to you. I know I'm not perfect, but I really don't think that in these cases the punishment fits the crime, you know? I thought i was being nice by even going to the damn graduation. He's in denial and thinks that I'm still the girlfriend who should be front and center paying attention to him.

Ugghh. It's gonna be a long night.

Good Thing of the Week

2008-08-28T10:59:00.006-04:00

Women can be hard on themselves. Don't you find that it's easier to remember criticisms rather than praise? In an effort to boost my self-esteem and remind myself that I am fabulous, I have decided to highlight a "Good Thing of the Week". This can be something that I did to improve myself or to help someone else. So here we go...

This week I signed up for Wesabe.com. This is a great website that helps you get control of your finances (I feel like mine are a mess). It automatically links to whatever bank(s) you use, uploads your transactions, and let you label them quickly and easily into categories. You can also create financial goals like "save for trip to London" or "pay off student loans" and then track your progress with fun and colorful charts (I'm very visual). There's also groups you can join and a lot of great financial advice. The best part? Wesabe is totally free!

Seeing exactly where all my money is going is very empowering! All I have to say is...

Why didn't someone tell me I was spending a small fortune on shoes!!!

I need to be put in a museum and labeled "Bitchesaurus"

2008-08-28T10:00:00.010-04:00

Ugh! What's up with me this week? I am in such a bitchy mood (and no, it's not PMS). Work is super annoying. I think I need a vacation so I'm taking tomorrow off to make an extra long weekend of it.

I'm sure part of it is that I've been staying up too late. This morning I overslept but was only a few minutes late for work. I dreamed that I straightened my hair. Then I woke up and my hair was still wavy and that made me mad (and late).

In other news, I hate when grown women use baby voices when talking to other adults.

My co-worker is annoying me today because she went to grad school orientation yesterday. Now, I've been to grad school and coincidentally she is going to the same school that I went to. She's driving me nuts because that's all she talks about. Newsflash: YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST PERSON TO GO TO GRAD SCHOOL. She comes in today and she's all like "Oooh, I went to school yesterday".

This woman is 37 years old.

When I didn't pepper her with questions about her experience she was disappointed. "Well, that's not the enthusiastic response I was looking for."

Sorry lady. I don't have a gold star for your pretty little forehead. I hate it when people want a f*ing parade for something that other people do on a regular basis and don't make a big deal about. It's just a cry for attention.

The baby talk/child voice is just the icing on the narcisistic cake.

Feeling Blah

2008-08-27T09:59:00.006-04:00

I haven't been in love since 2005.

This thought just dawned on me this morning. I hadn't realized just how much time has passed. When a break-up is fresh in my mind, I have a tendency to think wistfully on all of my previous relationships, hoping that somewhere along the way I have made progress. I can't believe how long ago it was that I was head-over-heels in love with someone. Sad. I'll tell you about it some other time...

I feel aggravated at everything and everyone. My neck hurts from sleeping on it weird. I don't like the outfit I'm wearing (it seemed cute this morning but now it just seems frumpy). I feel ugly and I'm not having a good hair day. I miss having a boyfriend and I really want to make out with someone.

I'm stressed out because tomorrow I'm going to my ex's graduation and I only got him a card. He has expensive taste and he won't be happy with any gift I give him. I can't really afford an awesome graduation gift right now. Besides, I'm not his girlfriend anymore so is gift-giving really my duty?

Hugs,
Debbie Downer

Haiku

2008-08-26T16:48:00.006-04:00

My office is a like a sensory-deprivation tank. No one talks. No one laughs. There are no jokes, no funny forwarded e-mails. No one eats lunch together. All work and no play makes Kenzie a dull girl. My annoyance can only be expressed through haiku (inspired by http://officegirlhaiku.blogspot.com/):

tick tock watch the clock
what’s worse than drama, you ask?
no drama at all

day in and day out
tedium and boredom kill
creativity

air-conditioning,
why do you torture me so?
frosty blasts, Achoo!

no paper? good god!
can no on think for themselves?
superhero me

dear world wide web, your
companionship is priceless
hours of wasted time

dear computer screen
eye strain and neck pain annoy,
revenge in mine. OFF!

vacation so sweet
will it ever come? distant
memories of sand…

Birkenstocks and socks
they do not belong here. i
don’t care Dress-Down-Day

inbox oh inbox
why so empty? your blankness
saddens me. fill up!

Radar Blips

2008-08-26T13:23:00.005-04:00

Why do guys feel like it's totally cool to dump you or do the "fade out" only to contact you a year or more later on whatever facebook/friendster/myspace site you're on?

Rock Star was someone I dated briefly almost two years ago. Tall, cute and in a band, Rock Star was my antidote to a dating slump. We laughed over cheap beer at dive bars and made out in his car like teenagers. Everything seemed to be going great but ultimately the relationship was short-lived. He kinda freaked out and said we weren't compatible. I took it for what it was worth.

A few months later, I ran into one of his friends at a bar. I asked him,

"Hey, how come Rock Star just disappeared on me?"

"Oh, well he's kind of weird. You know he's a Jehovah's Witness and lives with his mom, right?"

Ummmmm...no. No, I didn't. From then on he ceased to be known as Rock Star and is now only referred to as Jehovah.

Every once in a while I get a random e-mail from him. Why? What's the purpose? To keep me on the radar as a possible date? To maintain an actual friendship? Or is it just to have one more girl on his friends list?

Thoughts on keeping people on the radar even if though you have no intention of dating them?

A Few of My Favorite Things

2008-08-26T10:54:00.013-04:00

How much do I love C.O. Bigelow? Let me count the ways...I'm loving their lemon body lotion right now. It's really creamy/lemony and sinks in quickly. I don't usually like smelling like food, but I'll make an exception for citrus.

I'm also a devotee of their tinted lip balms. I like that it's minty (although I don't know how much it actually freshens breath like it claims to). It's also really moisturizing.

In other brand news, I'm a fan of Vichy at CVS. I love their cleansing milk/toner. It's sooooo soothing if you have sensitive skin and a great way to take off that last little bit of makeup without drying your skin out. The fact that it's from France doesn't hurt in my book!

Finally, I have realized that I am a candle snob. A great candle should be like a great purfume: complex with many layers and a scent that keeps you interested, not overpowered. For me, there's nothing worse that the overpowering smell of a vanilla Yankee Candle candle. Too much! Yankee Candle vanilla is to candles what Victoria Secret "Love Spell" is to perfume -- cheap and one-note. I want subtlety. My two favorites are Nars and Trish McEvoy. They're more expensive but they last a lot longer than the average candle.

Nars Jaipur blends citrus, pomegranate, rose, jasmine, geranium, amber and vanilla. Love the sexy red packaging! I usually light this when I'm getting ready for a night on the town.

Trish McEvoy Wild Blueberry Vanilla smells so much more interesting than the name implies. It's warm and lovely. I like to light this when I'm staying in and curling up on the sofa with a book and a glass of wine.

Date #1: Game, Set, Match

2008-08-26T10:21:00.004-04:00

When it comes to dating, most people say it's a numbers game. The more you get out there and keep an open mind, the more likely you are to find a mate...statistically speaking. If it's really all about the numbers then how many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a TootsiePop?

How many dates does it take to find love?

I've decided to put that to the test...I'm going to go on 100 dates. Yup, you heard me right. One hundred.

The rules are very simple. I date can be lots of things -- a coffee, a movie, a walk in the park -- and each date doesn't have to be with a different man (in other words, you can repeat the same guy on date #2 and #3, etc.).

So I signed up for match.com to get the ball rolling and made my first date. My date was a chef who lives and works on the South Shore. We agreed to meet for a drink (hey, what else are you gonna do on a Monday?). I had low expectations but our date was actually really fun! The Chef was a nice mix of being talkative and friendly but also listening to what I had to say. I was a little nervous...it's been a while. I definitely tried not to dress up too much or try to hard with what I was wearing. He's pretty cute -- tall, slim, part Italian. He was funny when he needed to be funny and serious when he needed to be serious. Seems like a really nice guy.

So what's the catch? hahahaa Kidding. It's just so weird to meet a normal person online...maybe he has six toes? I'll let ya know if we get that far...

P.S. Does anyone else remember looking for the Indian with a bow and arrow on the wrapper so you could cash in and get a free Tootsie Pop at Tedeschi's?

Pectastic!

2008-08-26T10:02:00.004-04:00

Ok, so Little C is back from India and staying with me for a while (yay!). We were both pretty beat on Saturday night – she from driving 10 hours, me from being hungover – so we decided to stay in and watch “300”.

Oh. My. God.

Have you SEEN this movie?????? Muscles and skin and loincloths…OH MY! Seriously, the most entertaining two hours I’ve had in a while.

It really doesn't help that I'm now off the pill (since my breakup, what's the point?) because I'm extra crazy-hormonal-horny! We actually slow-mo'ed several scenes. So hot! Gerard Butler gets my vote.

TGIF

2008-08-22T16:41:00.006-04:00

How do summer weekends fill up so quickly?!

Today after work, A! and I are going to pillage the shoes department at Marshall's looking for deals. I'm looking for comfortable work pumps and colorful flats but knowing me, I'll probably come home with 4-inch gliterry stilettos. Such is life!

I may stay in town or head back to the burbs for an unofficial reunion of sorts. Since half the fun of seeing old classmates is comparing weight/eduction/marital status, I will have to make sure I look good. Sure, I've gained 25 lbs since high school but did you see how great my new straightening iron works?!

Saturday will be a day of bargain shopping for the house. Hmmm....maybe Christmas Tree Shoppe, Ocean State Job Lot, and Walmart are in order? A few things on my list:

new bathroom stuff (so I can enjoy my new LUSH products!)
new bedding to fit my new queen-size bed (mmmm, temperpedic)
pet supplies
this really cute dress that E$ wore to the Luna event (sorry E$! I'm bitin' your style)

My friend Little C is visiting me tomorrow (hopefully for a few weeks) and I am sooooooo excited! She' s back from a year in India. I do believe we will be sitting on my lawn drinking cocktails very soon...

Also, on Sunday I might try my hand at golf with Miss A and Company. I'm terrible but who knows maybe a lesson or two will let me hold my own? At least long enough to strike up a conversation with cute guys on the course?

The weather is GORGEOUS so we'll see where else the wind takes me! Happy Friday!

<3>

Snarkity Snark Snark: Bridal Edition

2008-08-22T16:20:00.005-04:00

Here are my random thoughts for the day/things that are annoying me:

*Girls that post their wedding photo as their main facebook or myspace profile pic. You are quite obviously doing this to show the world (and former high school classmates) that yes, you are married. You could just as easily have checked off the relationship box that says "married" and left your weddings pics in an appropriately titled digital photo album but no...you had to make it the cornerstone of your profile.

*Girls who post a group wedding photo in which they are not the bride as their main facebook or myspace profile pic. Did you really love your friend's wedding THAT much?

*The Biannual Filene's Basement "Running of the Brides" was today. I love this event if for no other reason than it brings out the viciousness and desperation in every bride. "I NEED A SIZE 8 STRAPLESS A-LINE!!!!"

DIY: Restore Your Own Electricity

2008-08-22T15:47:00.004-04:00

One of the hardest things about being single is that you don't have a man around to help you open jars, move furniture, and kill various house pests. Enter the DIY portion of this blog!

This summer, I have discovered that hairdryer + A/C + ancient electrical wiring = lights go out. Not only does this interfere with my anti-frizz efforts, it also leaves me in the dark…literally. In the event of hair-appliance-induced power outage, I recommend the following:

1.) Stumble down to whatever basement-like level you have
2.) Find ugly grey box with switches
3.) Flip switches one-by-one (c’mon we’re trying to be scientific here)
4.) Pray

If all else fails, light a pretty scented candle and pull your hair up into a messy-on-purpose updo.

What's in a Name?

2008-08-22T15:38:00.005-04:00

Well, if you’re on match.com…a lot! (I signed up for match.com a week ago just out of curiosity. Figured it would get the dating ball rolling.)

While not a deal-breaker in and of itself, a poorly chosen username can be off-putting. I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting my favorites below (yes, these guys actually contacted me!):

sweatangershame – Yikes! Sounds like he needs therapy and a good deodorant.

mysticaleagle – Hello Deepak Chopra! Way too New Agey for me. Probably wears lots of turquoise and spends most of his time in downward-facing-dog.

tenderheartbear8 – Why not just call yourself imabigpussy?

Show Me the Burger

2008-08-22T15:29:00.009-04:00

So my friend A! e-mailed me this morning and in her tirade on her boyfriend’s antics (totally justified BTW) she referenced a hilarious moment this summer that I had almost forgotten about…

A! and I decided to check out “Cocktail Week Boston”, a similar event to Restaurant Week except a little lighter on the value. For around $20 bucks you get 1-2 cocktails (depending on the place) and an appetizer. We settled on Red Sky where we ordered our raspberry mojitos and trio of mini burgers.

Now, I myself happen to be blonde so I know how the jokes go. But our waitress is the type of blonde that gives us all a bad rap. She was easily the dumbest server I have ever encountered. Not only did she not know it was Cocktail Week, she also didn’t know the drink or food menu which, in addition to actually BRINGING us food and drinks, is pretty much her only job.

So we are sipping away on our mojitos and scarfing down our mini burgers…I had finished my burgers but A! still had one left in her hand. She had just taken a big bite out of the burger when our waitress comes back over, says

“Are you guys all set?”

and quickly starts clearing our table, piling dirty napkins and used silverware on A!'s plate. Let me reiterate: A! is holding a burger in her hand halfway to her mouth.

So A! goes, “Ummmm….I’m still eating”. The girl is so dumb that she still doesn’t get it so…

…without a word, A! takes the burger and puts it right in front of the girl’s face! Hilarious! The waitress basically ran away.

Now whenever something is REALLY obvious and someone’s just not getting it? We do the burger-in-face gesture.

The Long and the Short of It

2008-08-22T11:16:00.019-04:00

So I did a little backsliding last night and went for drinks and dinner with my ex. Yeah, I know. I have crazy will-power, right?

Before I tell you about last night, let me catch you up to speed on my break up (don’t worry, I’ll give you the abridged version).

When it comes to my ex, the Mr. Big SATC comparisons are obvious. He's tall, handsome, older, makes great money, and only smokes Cohibas (seriously). He is also divorced.

The baggage he introduced into my life was easy to ignore for a long time because he's very sweet and genuine and treated me well. There were vacations, Coach bags, fancy dinners and only the best champagne. We cooked dinners together, took long walks, and always talked every day and it seemed like things were really cookin'. I definitely fell for him hard...

...but in the end he didn't want the kind of relationship I wanted. Even though we started off slow and weren't even exclusive until a few months in, he still wanted "Relationship Lite". Basically, that meant he only wants to consider his own needs. He wants me to be there for him but he doesn't want to "have to deal" with anything I might need or want like intimacy, honesty, or commitment.

We had been together for about a year and broke up about 3 weeks ago. Conveniently, we broke up on a Friday evening so it wouldn’t interfere with my um…you know…actually showing up to work. Here’s a little run down of the night…

Friday, 7:00pm: 20-minute phone call, lots of crying by me, lots of apathy by him. It’s not working blah blah blah. Here’s the reasons that we knew and have been “working on” for months but with the same results.
Friday, 7:25pm: Back at the bar with my friend A!, crying into my beer. Feeling a little better…proud that I had taken control and done what I knew was best for me. A! tries to reassure me by saying,

“Look at the bright side. Now you’re single!”

That sets me off again crying.
Friday, 9pm: Meet up with other friends. Catch them up on the drama. Looks of concern and furrowed brows all around. Many drinks are had.
Friday, 10pm: Various types of alcohol are consumed together.
Saturday, 9am: Vicious headache and ebbing will-to-live.
Saturday, 12pm: Bed.
Saturday, 3pm: Crying. Bed.
Saturday 9pm: Sofa
Sunday 10am: Bed
Sunday 10pm: Bed

Are you sensing a theme here? Yeeeaaah. I basically was so depressed I didn't get out of bed for the entire weekend.

Since then, I have:

drastically reduced contact with Mr. Big
got a kitten (so cute!) to satisfy cuddling urges
signed up for match.com (don't worry, I'm rolling my eyes too)
made new friends (hello ladies!)
settled on a new fringe-bangs w/straight layers do' for fall

You're wondering why, then, if I've made such progress am I still have dinner with the Ex?

Because I obviously don't learn.

And because I don't learn, I decide that it's still a good idea (since we're friends and all) that we go for drinks after work at Elephant & Castle, followed by drinks at the Four Seasons, followed by a walk in the Public Gardens and dinner at Parish Cafe.What I did learn is this formula: several cocktails + trip down memory lane + emotional girl = sobfest.

I explained to him that while I cared a lot about him, I couldn't stay in a relationship that was going nowhere. I'm not on a schedule and I may never get married, but that doesn't mean I should stay in an unsatisfying situation. Our relationship had frustrated me for the last time -- after all, I want a man who I can talk to. If something's bothering me, whether it's our sex life or how much time we spend together or meeting his family or whatever, I need to feel like he listens to me and doesn't just get defensive and shut down. I can't change him and I don't want to try.

Then I proceeded to make out with him. Evolution thy name is Kenzie.

FYE: Sexism Awards

2008-08-22T10:49:00.002-04:00

Funny article

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2008/08/22/one_small_step_for_women_one_giant_leap_for_sexism/

Like I Really Need More

2008-08-21T12:24:00.003-04:00

FYI...Marshall's is having a huge shoe sale starting today! (Thanks for the tip A!) Up to 50% off regular dept. store prices!! I assume it will run through the weekend?

FYE: Nelly Would Be So Proud

2008-08-21T07:16:00.004-04:00

So I’m on the T yesterday evening when I spot this little old lady in a little old lady outfit. Bright blue polyester dress, white hair, huge button earrings, old lady stockings to go with her orthopedic, open-toed shoes and...

...an APPLE BOTTOMS handbag. Shake it granny!

Just thought I’d share. Wait, isn’t that Jade from ANTM???

It Has A Certain Ring To It

2008-08-21T07:11:00.007-04:00

So, I went to Ivy last night and....

....Cute Bartender is MARRIED!!!!

WTF?????!!!!!!!!

Are you sure he didn’t just happen to call his not-too-serious-girlfriend his wife?

I was speechless. We sat down to dinner (the place was packed). He did his usual flirty thing. I did my usual flirty thing. Then when I went to talk to him later it went something like this:

Me: Hey! So what time do you get off work? You should join us!

Him: I get done pretty late.

Me: How late is late?

Him: Um...really late.

Me: Ok, maybe another time...

Him: You know that I’m married, right?

Me: (looking at his ringless hands)

Him: Oh, I keep it here

(shows chain with wedding band around neck)

Him: Yeah, when I work at the bar my hands get wet and it slips off.

Me: .....I bet it does.

Holy doucebaggery, Batman!

True I was getting the sense that something else must be up. After all, I’d been in to his restaurant like 5 or 6 times now and there was no sign of him making an actual move. Still though! Note to all married men: please do not kiss the hands of single women with whom you are flirting. It breeds confusion. Plus I’m sure your wife wouldn’t like it.

Greg B.,...thank you. I should never doubt your infinite wisdom!

Eat, Drink and Be Merry

2008-08-20T13:30:00.024-04:00

Restaurant Week Boston is like that really cute guy you fall hard for but who screws your best friend behind your back, makes a half-hearted apology, and then winds up back in your bed because, well, he looks so damn good.

Twice a year I gear up to have what I expect to be an amazing and affordable meal and I am usually disappointed. (A!, you have a point). This year’s offender? Miel in the Intercontinental.

It sounded like a great premise for a restaurant - a flowery, honey-tinged summer in Provence filled with fresh herbs and lavender. What did I get? A three course dinner that tasted exactly like my overly-sweetened cocktail.

That's why tonight I'm headed to Ivy. One of my absolute favorites. Great food, sexy/chic atmosphere, and all their bottles of wine are $26!! And if ya thought Ivy couldn't get any better...let me introduce you to their cute bartender.

Cute Bartender is that great mix of sexy and sweet. He's about 5'11" with dark, straight hair. Maybe early 30s? Seems like he would be a photography or art student, but is actually studying social work, I think. I don't know...I was too busy mentally making-out with him to pay attention to every detail!

Since my first glass of wine at the bar on a slow Thursday night, Cute Bartender has always flirted with me. We're talking sexy looks, quippy comments, free drinks, and even a kiss on the hand when I leave. He always makes me promise to come back.

And I always do.

Now up until a few weeks ago, I was taken (more on that later) and so Cute Bartender was a mere fantasy. But now? All bets are off!

But before I get my panties in a twist, I need to make something clear: I graduated from the Greg Behrendt School of He's-Just-Not-That-Into-You and let me tell you...

I passed with flying colors.

It's not that I think women should be passive when it comes to dating. Don't get me wrong - I'm all for girl-power and I have definitely done the askin' on more than one occasion. It's that when a guy flirts with me but then doesn't follow-through?...he's usually just not that into me and so I learn to not get my hopes up too quickly.

So we'll see. In any case, I plan to wear a super cute and flirty outfit inspired by Cameron Diaz at the Costume Institute Gala:

Love the color combo! Planning to wear my new violet purple halter dress with GIGANTIC aqua earrings. I'm trying to resist the urge to wear black because it's still summer. Can't wait!

I'm a LUSH

2008-08-19T22:28:00.007-04:00

Tonight I went to a Luna Boston handbag event with my friend E$. Cute store (I'd never been in). The handbags were very cute and very pricey. The best part was the complimentary cocktails made with St. Germain and, of course, the goody bags courtesy of LUSH.

The St.-Germain Cocktail:

2 shots Champagne or dry white wine
1 1/2 shots St.-Germain (elderflower liquor)
2 shots sparkling water or Club soda

Stir ingredients in a tall ice-filled Collins glass, mixing completely. Garnish with a lemon twist. Ahhhhh! This drink was sooo delicious! A great summer drink. Makes me want sip and play croquet on my lawn, Great-Gatsby-style.

I also scored some great loot from LUSH. How have I never been to this store before??? Their website is amazing (www.lush.com) and all their bath stuff looks and sounds good enough to eat. Here's what I got in my goody bag:

Sexy Bomb Bath Bomb Romantic jasmine and rose fragrance turns your tub pink!

Lily Savon Soap Made with lilies, jasmine, ylang ylang and neroli.

I also got a freshly made face mask in a jar that has blueberry extract. It's supposed to deep clean and calm skin. Yum!

Welcome

2008-08-19T11:52:00.003-04:00

Ok, I guess the best way to do this is to jump right in…

I love Sex ad the City. I love the clothes. I love the shoes. I love the wit. I do not, however, think that this show is in any way based in reality. I mean, c’mon…I could barely afford shoes from Aldo on a writer’s salary let alone Manolos! That having been said, I think the show appeals to women (including myself) for several reasons:

1) Glamour! Ahhh…the Manolos.
2) Relationship insight (the “I’m totally going through that too!” phenomenon)
3) The girls and their friendships. I mean, seriously…how much would you love to have a standing brunch date?!

As for the men of SATC…I have gone from being an Aidan fan, to a Mr. Big fan, and back to Aidan again. The biggest disappointment of SATC the movie was that Carrie wound up with Big. As handsome and suave as his is, he is the classic commitment-phobe. I’m pretty sure that every self-help relationship book out there says that Carrie should have walked away (and stayed there) long ago.

Maybe my new perspective has something to do with the fact that I recently broke up with my own Mr. Big. Yes, folks….I’m going through a break up. Don’t worry. I will not to throw a pity party. Though if I do, you can be sure it’ll be a fabulous fete worthy of InStyle magazine!

Anyway, I envision this blog as being one part diary, one part fashion and fun and one part commiserating/bitchfest with a gigantic dose of humor along the way…An everywoman’s guide to looking and feeling fabulous inside and out, finding balance between being independent and wanting a relationship, and trying to maintain dignity and optimism in a coupled-up world.

Dating can be tough….come along for the laughs!